fatal

If I drink again it would be fatal. My relationships I have now sober with my family would be over. The chances of being in my boys life will be gone. I may not die quickly, but without them my life would be gone.

Well we have just 2 soccer games today. The football games don't start till the end of august. Our anniversary is coming up next week and it will be 16 years. We are on rocky roads but we need to stay strong. We are seeing a marriage counselor next week. More work with hopefully new tools.

trips

It is amazing how vegas lingers on in my mind. I have been home for over 24 hours and still the shit is in my mind. That city is not for me in sobriety. The place has all the elements to take me out.

My boys are doing great and they seem bigger just in a few days of being gone. That is why it is so important to make the most out of each minute I have with them, instead of taking time for granted. I am taking my belated cake this sunday for my time sober..

airport

I am sitting at the airport in las vegas.. I am happy to be going home. These conventions are exhausting and full of limos and drinking. We took clients our gambling and while in the limo one of our clients offered me champagne and as I declined he called me a freak.

right path

Everything I have been doing has been on the right path. It has been amazing the things that are happening to me. I feel as though I have grown as a person and a man. I still have my twisted ways (per scott), but thats ok today. Sometimes this deal we do to remain sober takes time for the results or promises. But if you stay the course you will eventually see the results and for that I am grateful.

on the run

I have been running around today trying to get projects, bids, etc closed up. I have to get all this done today, because tonight my son has a baseball game. Rain is in the air, but this is socal, so it probably won't rain. I am looking forward to a great week end with my family. I hope all of you peeps (sober chic's term) have a great week end as well.

not here

I feel like hiding or getting away tonight. Everything seems to make my head pound louder. I am just plain beat from making sure everything is done, dishes, baseball practice, paper work, bills, etc. You know, life gets hard sometimes by there is always tomorrow. It's the opportunity for a new day, how great is that?

what

I, no, we are on satan's list. Thats pretty creepy, however my beliefs may not be the same as yours, so practice your religion where it belongs, in a church.

I am feeling good today and I know why, because I am spending more time with the family. Yesterday we went to a park by the beach and out to dinner. I really need to do the family thing even though it is hard, because I grew in the house of hell (alcoholic house). The chain is broken today and at least my kids know you don't have to drink to deal with your fear.

waiting

I am still waiting for these projects to close. I have been waiting for the dreaded phone call. I don't know why I have been putting so much value into these projects, I feel good and my family love me. What else could I want, but to make life easier. Why is it so difficult to move a little closer towards success.

The boys have baseball practice today and now they are fighting, got to go.

beach

My son is having his birthday tomorrow at the beach. The party starts at 5pm and we are having a bonfire in a fire pit at the beach. There will be hot dogs, chips, roasted marshmallows and no alcohol or drugs. Since I have been sober I have noticed god is alive inside of me.

addiction

My addiction wanted one thing and that was my death. I could never see it through the fog that I was in. It was pushing me to reach further and further for that next drink or drug. Then one day I fell and fell hard. The fall lasted for many months until I was almost dead. Today I have two things that keep me from the edge, the program and god.

forgive

My sponsor asked me if I would be ok if my dad died tomorrow. I hope so.. I haven't talked to the man since I have been sober and thats been 2 years and 9 months, but who is counting, right? I have been through a lot growing up and it doesn't matter who has had it worse or better. I don't really give a shit about that, because what matters is what I do with my shit not others. I don't think there is anything left inside of me for compassion, or any desire to open dialog. The truth is that my dad died along time ago inside of me.

out of the hole

For the first couple of years of my sobriety I have in in and and of a mental hole. The mental hole that is a result of drinking everyday for years. I have battling back to get to a competitive edge, the edge I need in my business. Since being sober, I have been working on building my relationship with god, and family, leaving my business on the bottom. That needs to change a little..

ego

Even being sober I have to watch my ego. Sometimes I think I'm better and bigger than others. It turns me into Mr. super asshole. My family doesn't want to be around me and I am sure to get into a fight with my wife. It never fails that I end up feeling like shit. I keep trying to take the self out of self will and add god.