Saturday, December 30, 2006

New years and ma

I have been bugging my mother in law by calling her "ma". I went with her to albertsons for stuff for our party. That's the party I didn't know about, The New Years Eve party at our house. I will be at a meeting so that's the way that goes. My wife and ma aren't to happy, but I am sure they don't want to be around me when I pick up that drink. I won't barely go out, I will go out with a full on parade. Thanks MC for reminding me that I have a mother in-law.


Today I don't drink or use and I feel free, but not this free yikes..

Remember Segregation

Martin Luther King Day January 16th. My mom grew up in the south and still is haunted by what she saw on her way to school. It was a black man hanging from a tree. He was not just a black man, but a friend of hers. After that day the number of hanging increased and she was scared to walk to school, so my grandfather drove her to school everyday. cool site click

Friday, December 29, 2006

about me

When I was drinking I thought the world evolved around me. When I spoke people whould listen and stand in awe of my wisdom. I thought I was a star and people would pack a stadium to see me. However the reality was that I was empty inside and so was the stadium parking lot.

Nuclear power plants as amusement parks

After the 1979 partial meltdown at Three-mile Island in Pennsylvania, Disney theme park designer Art Riley jokingly proposed repurposing the site as an amusement park - seen here in this concept art found recently on Ebay. Good news: meltdown was contained. Bad news: fun park wasn’t built. But… maybe it will be built now.

Addiction Chain

I sometimes feel chained to my alcoholism. I can only go so far and then I feel like I need a meeting or a drink.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

My Mother in-law

F#*k she is coming tomorrow to San Diego. Why..She drives me nuts with her bizarre behavior. She doesn't take showers everyday like me and then she prepares the food. That to me is not healthy and on top of it she will lick a stirring spoon and stick it back in the meal being prepared. I hate that so much. Her voice sounds like blahh blahh blahh to me. I will make the best out.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Sangria Senoria

We had this non-alcoholic beverage for our Christmas dinner. I had a desire to drink the whole bottle, because of the word sangria. I felt disappointed in myself and my sobriety for having this type of thinking.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

our tree

this is our tree and iam waiting for my boys to fall asleep. key board problems..great..

why is poop brown

My son asked me this today and I had no answer. I didn't know yikes.. "the complex digestion process ensures that almost no useful energy goes unused. The average bowel movement is three parts water to one part solid matter. Bacteria make up 30 percent of the solid stuff. The same goes for indigestible foods like cellulose and extra fiber. The remaining 40 percent contains various inorganic wastes, fats and used-up body substances like red blood cells, which are released from the liver in an orange-brown compound called bilirubin. Bilirubin mixes with another liver product, yellowish bile, to give poo its distinctive hue." click to read..

ever so close

This time of year I stay extra close to my god. It just isn't a easy time of year for me. All hell broke loose 2 years ago when I threw my father in law and his wife out of my house. My wife and kids left minutes after and I was left alone.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

scared of santa

this site has a lot of santas people wrote in about.. click link

I want

this time of year is not good for me to have expectations, the fact is i want to much.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Looking for alligators

This is on my brother's boat and we were looking for the 10' alligator that resides in the area.


I am finally home and it feels good.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Naked Elf

I have been in Florida all week in meetings, 24/7. I also have been staying with my brother. He has a house on the intercostal waterways and it is really nice. I attended my company's Christmas party and everyone was drunk except for me. The president of our company passed out, yeah. I don't like being around drunks.. posted on HNT

Saturday, December 16, 2006

santa claus fix

Get you daily santa claus fix at dailyclaus. click

wrong choice

Sometimes the choices we make for the moment last forever. This disease somehow convinces us to take the easier way out. I lost a friend to a heroin overdose, he was with me during my 32 1/2 days of rehab. I hate when people just can't get this program. Why?

Friday, December 15, 2006

Alcoholic Elves

I am sure Santa has his fair share of alcoholic elves.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

baja mexico

I was in Baja Mexico today visiting a plant that will probably start producing some of our products. The Mexican people are great. When I was taking photos at the plant the women seemed to shy away from the camera. They were all laughing and having fun with me. They seemed so happy even being so poor, I would be bitching. When I was leaving I had a day dream of drinking tequila and eating fish tacos on the beach. What the hell is that all about, anyways I didn't drink today so I am winner.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

word verify is a MOFO

I hate this shit..It adds 30 mins to my blog time. The number of letters are getting F*#king too long..

Golf Sober

I played golf today for the first time since I have been sober. I went with a guy in the program who has over 20 years of sobriety who helped me get my swing back. I have to play in our company golf tournament in Florida next week, so I needed help fast. We both were shocked that the first 3 holes I pared. My game was not as bad as I expected so no fear here.

Mexico City Ink

Miami Ink has a rival from Mexico City. Dr Lakra is a tattoo artist living and working near Mexico City. In his parallel activities here, however, Dr Lakra transfers his draughtsmanship onto the idealised figures in 50’s Mexican magazines.

Dr Larka link

Monday, December 11, 2006

a drunks sandwich

I use to see a lot of shit when I was drinking and most of the time nothing was there. I use to think I had a 6 sense. Since I have been sober everything I see now is there.

AA Christmas Party

This time of year again and I attended a AA Christmas party. It was a little sparse this year, however it was a good time. My wife felt out of place again because she is a norme, but she went to support me. Also I gave a cake to my sponsor for 17 years. It was pretty cool however I was a little nervous talking in front of the spouses and girlfriends. I am glad he asked me because I know his birthdays are important to him. He has done a lot for me in my recovery by guiding me down the right path. I owe him my life, because I didn't have one when I walked into these rooms.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

6 weird things about me

1) I will not eat at other peoples houses unless I have known them for awhile and have seen them washing their hands prior to preparing food.
2) I wear socks with my birkenstocks.
3) I don't like yelling at a sushi bar.
4) I like my food separated by a small barrier of empty plate.
5) I will not take a shit in a public bathroom that has only one stall.
6) I demand the aisle seat any place I go air travel, churches, baseball games, my kids games and the dinner table.

My tagettes:,,,, selection)

Megs Rules - Each player of this game starts with the 6 Weird Things About You. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 Weird Things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog!

Friday, December 08, 2006

the green is gone

My 7 year old had his cast removed today. He was happy because the cast was driving him nuts. After they cut the cast off they asked my son if he wanted to keep the cast. As he looked at me he said yes with a smile. He knows I don't want that dirty sweat sponge in the house, but I said ok and we laughed. We bonded all the way down to the hospital and back. We sang goofy made up songs and told whacked out stories. I am lucky to be my boys father.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


I would change into a mean person when I drank. I would fight anyone around me, especially the ones I loved.

Life is good today

My life is ok today. There are no bigdeals, no drama and no long term resentments today.

posted HNT


Some of these seem like a country club instead of a rehab. I went to one similar to Betty Ford, but we slept in a room with concrete walls and floor.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

other side of the mirror

Seriously, give up 3 minutes of your time and you will have gratitude.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

a quote needed today

"Action is the foundational key to all success." Pablo Picasso


I had a drinking dream last night and heineken was in the dream. I was drinking in the garage when I heard the door knob turning on the door from the house. My wife came out just as I was placing the beer behind something. I had the guilty look on my face and she caught me. Then the dream ended or I can't remember the rest. I felt uncomfortable all morning long. The good thing is that it wasnt real and that I have my wife and boys that are real.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


This is a time of the year when the weather gets cold therefore the children get cold. Give clothes and blankets to the people that are homeless and if you can a hot meal. They could have been your neighbor.

Amber Alert

Get Your Free Code Amber Tickers Code Amber now provides both Web Site Tickers and Desktop Tickers for the US and Canada. Please select from the following to get your ticker(s). You may download any or all of the tickers we have available. get code

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Mi Casa

I am glad that I am home now. Today I went to my son's basketball game. He wasn't playing because his wrist was injured. He sat with his team even though he didn't want to. I had fun today playing with my boys and watching them laugh.

Post Convention: I feel like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because while I was at the convention a key account raved about my performance on a recent project. My boss "the little man" was taken back by the response, but he raised my salary a little closer to what it was earlier this year. This means a little bit of the financial pressure will be off for now. All this is because of god and the program of alcoholics anonymous.

Hard decision

For some this would be a hard decision, but for an alcoholic it is the beer.

Friday, December 01, 2006


I have been at a convention all week and had no time to do anything but to talk and sleep. I am in Scottsdale AZ and getting ready to leave tonight. The convention was full of drunks and the smell of alcohol permeated the air. The alcohol was free and the members drank their fill. I was sick of talking to all those drunken bastards. They all talked bullshit and their egos were larger than the world. I missed drinking just a little bit, but God I am glad I am sober.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

New Fix

I seem to be doing more things with my kids and wife now that I am sober. I don't have to worry about going to the liquor store several times a day. I am not worried about running out or where to hide the bottle. It amazes me how much time I spent on all of the wrong things in life. Today I have a new fix on life and that is time with my boys.

Live Taco update: I am having problems with camstreams encoder, so it's taking a little more of my free time. I will be glad when it is over.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Spread your thanks

There are too many families that are homeless not having a thanksgiving. Please spread your thanks by giving to others.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

daryl hannah's love life

daryl hannah is awesome. click link

Gods Way

The more I step out of the way the better. It is final, I looking for another job because things will never change. I have kept hoping things would change but the reality is that they never will. The only thing I can change is me with gods help.

Sunday, November 19, 2006


For me isolation is a comfortable state to be in, but a dangerous place. I keep dragging myself out of it, by doing the things I don't want to do. I still don't want to go to meetings, but with something’s there is no option if I want to stay sober and meetings are at the top of the list. Once I go to a meeting I always feel that I am glad I did go. I didn’t want to go to dinner last night with friends of ours, but afterwards I am glad I went. What in hell is this half ass feeling I have? I asked my wife to describe me as person and she said I am extrovert that is sometimes anti-social. What the fu*#K is that..

Live Taco: I am working on running a better live video stream..

Friday, November 17, 2006

Live Taco

Ride with Live Taco on a test run of a moving webcam...12:30 pm Saturday November 18th 2006. Here is the link click. Is coffee bitch and live taco one?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Easy Love

Love means something now that I am sober. It was never the cheap wine and sex that I thought. It is about being responsible, and loving someone unconditionally. That was a hard concept for me when drinking, because my only love was a full glass of alcohol.

My wife will be home tomorrow and its downhill from here. Tonight I am going to clean the house for her and yes the boys still love me and I love them.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Alls good in the world of dad land. I took all the boys to my 10 years old baseball practice. We had fun watching him practice for two hours. We came home and had taquitos and avocados. I am now tired....

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Man do I have a hell of a headache. The boys were in rare form today battling each other. My oldest son woke me up this morning by knocking on my head like it was the front door and the day went down hill from there. I feel like I was a stand in as a piƱata all my muscles hurt. They are good kids but they pushed me a little too hard today. I took two aspirin earlier and no relief is in site. The next step is a damp wash cloth to cover my forehead and eyes, Ah yes maybe a meditation tape.

Matthew Dols

Monday, November 13, 2006

Home Alone

My wife is in Manhattan, I am alone with my 3 boys and they are driving me nuts. I feel like I can't get away, our families for the most part live on the east coast. Our friends are watching to see if I can pull it off without their help. I will be lucky not to be taken away in a straight jacket by the end of the week.

Sunday, November 12, 2006


My son hit a homerun last night at his game. He gave me a thumbs up and that was cool. He has been taking my advice on how to hit the ball and field. I love that my son thinks of me as someone who can provide him direction. My wife was just glowing in the crowd with a school girl glee, which made me happy. He is going to remember this day the rest of his life and I was able to be a part of instead of being part of the problem.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Dog chasing tail

I feel so melancholy today, I just want this whole job thing done. The drama involved with this job is getting old fast. Plus I am giving my boss "the little man" too much power. I prayed last night for god to give me direction on what I need to do in my life to make it better. I need to move forward otherwise I will probably end up drinking. This life we lead is not always easy and doesn't come with a manual, so that's why we need god.

Friday, November 10, 2006

live at 4:30 pm PST

Take a ride with me Live on my way home tonight at 4:30 pm PST scroll down video on the right...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Nothing but green cast

I spoke to my boss today and he agreed to pay most of my expenses. However I felt like he was back pedaling on the issue of more money. There is still nothing set neither in stone nor on paper. I made good points and stood my ground with out anger, which for an Irish alcoholic is hard. I simply focused on what my accomplishments were and my current project pipeline for 2007. I did the best I could today and for that I am thankful. My son chose a green cast for his broken arm. Today I thank god that he is ok.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Today I almost drank because of my fear. I had a culmination of things going on. I have been feeling nervous about our new national sales manager coming out to visit me. I don't know why, because technically I am in a higher position. My 7 year old son broke his wrist trying to climb over a fence. My wife took him to the hospital. I then received a call from a credit agency saying that we owe a lot of money. My wife was upset, I was up set and it all stemmed from my company not paying my expenses in a timely fashion. My company owes me a lot of money and I am getting scared. I am talking to the president in our company tomorrow morning.