Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Not Here

The trick or treaters are gone, the boys have gone to bed, wow I am exhausted. They had a fun night trick or treating with their friends. I walked around with them from house to house. Their bags were breaking so I ended up carrying around 50 pounds of candy. My little guy at 5 years old is a tough kid, he wasn't scared of the older kids masks. Thank god I am sober.

I can't seem to get a guy I talked with out of my head. He has been in and out multiple times and now his mind is almost gone. The alcohol and drugs have taken most of his faculties and I feel sad for him. This addiction will take anything it can get from us mind, body, family, god, life. Stay Sober

Happy Halloween

Just don't drink or use Today

Costumes for Animals

Damn I forgot the dog and cat. sh##t. clink link

Monday, October 30, 2006

Russian art film

This short film reminds me of how much time I have lost because of alcohol.

Not scared


Ban the rebar trucks

I hate the assholes that drive these trucks, because they are dangerous. They are wider than a Hummer. These trucks should be illegal in California. They are accidents waiting to happen. If one of the supports break, you will have hundreds projectiles flying impaling cars and bystanders.

Motorcycle DMV Test

In order to get your motorcycle license in California, you must pass the DMV test linked .click link

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Drink Alone

I would drink alone, so I thought.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Pumpkin Patch

No pie and a new pumpkin patch is what we ended up doing today. My wife and kids went to this pumpkin patch 3 years ago but I didn't go. I stayed home and drank all day, why would I waste my time at a stupid pumpkin patch. I was passed out when they got home. Today, I had a blast it was really cool there. This band played some killer music, while we walked through a sundry of cart vendors. We went through a corn field maze and on a hay ride. The boys laughed as I pushed them around in a wheelbarrow. The life of sobriety allows me to enjoy life and all of its promises.

Friday, October 27, 2006


We are going to a pumpkin patch with the kids tomorrow. On the way I want to stop at this pie shop that bakes grandma style pies in front of a glass window. They must have at least 20 pie makers.
"There is something about a homemade pie".

Half Dead

I have been on a massive construction site all week. I had to take over the supervision of 7 carpenters (Arian nation) and 8 laborers (Mexican gang members). It was an exhausting task to keep pushing them in the hot sun. I had to make onsite decisions with architect, general contractor and owner. I typically don’t have to go onsite, but the project was going south, so I had to be there. I got up at 5:00am and I would get home at 11:30pm, therefore I am half dead. It is over for now thank god. I thought about drinking several times, but I realized the result wasn't want I wanted. Thanks for all the concerns.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Hit the wall

The party went along pretty good with all the kids. In addition to my three boys, we had 10 boys spending the night. I was determined to wear down the kids prior to bed. We had a sword fight, scavenger hunt, played flashlight tag, and I was worn out. They watched a movie and played video games till 12:45 am. By the time I got to sleep it was 2:45. They all got up at 6:15 am and wanted their breakfast, I was dead tired. We made a breakfast menu of eggs and bacon, pancakes and bacon and cereal, which they selected from. I felt like a short order cook. They all left and now it is time to clean up. I am glad to be sober today.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Alcoholic House

A boy is turning ten tomorrow and today he is all smiles. He thinks his father is funny and he enjoys laughing. He was 7 1/2 years old when his father stopped drinking. His father wasn't around a lot when drinking, he was either passed out or just not there. When his father was around he stayed away from him, because his father was drunk, which was most of the time. He would stay in his room, stay over at a friends house or just stay close by his mom.
My oldest boy is turning 10 years old tomorrow and I would give anything to change the past, but all I can do is make him laugh and feel loved just for today.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

GI Joe? Whatever

I just don't know what to say about this photo. I think it is the first time I have been at a loss for words. posted on HNT

The need for more

I hated this feeling, because it never lasted. I am glad I don't have live the insanity today.

How I feel today

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Self Love

When I was drinking I never liked myself. I hated all the things I did the night/day before. Actually there was a small window when the high was just right that I liked who I was. I would spend the rest of the evening trying to recapture that feeling only to fail. I did this daily for many years as the emptiness inside of me just got larger.

Da Bears

I use to go to the old Soldiers Field all the time to watch the games. You could not beat those concrete seats.One of my best friends father use to play offensive tackle during the Gayle Sayers days. He was like a father to me going up.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Chasing The Addiction

When I was drinking I never could get over the hurdles that life threw at me. I use to make excuses and basically lie to get around the hurdles. If life was a race, I was a cheater.

The Red Bra Crash

Dog gnawed on bra that led to crash, teen tells troopers click for article

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Marbled Out

I remember when I marbled out of the recovery center over 2 1/2 years ago. I was terrified of what lied out of the secured area of the center. If my wife was leaving, did my kids hate me, had I been fired from my job, what are the neighbors going to say and what are my brother and sisters going to think. The world was moving too fast when I walked out of the doors and got into my car. My wife drove me home and I was scared of the unknown. I was going home as a labeled man, however I was the one who crossed the line.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Fuck You

This grandma looks as though she could take me (kick my ass)...

Haunted Furniture

This furniture has a goulish price..click here

Friday, October 13, 2006

No Mas

I didn't drink today and that is a miracle for me. My father in-law is visiting us, we have a good relationship now. Almost three years ago I threw my father in-law and his wife out of my house (New Years Day). Tonight both of us played soccer and threw the football with my boys. We laughed together and he even gave me a hug, how about that. Some say miracles don't happen, but you can see a lot of them at a AA meeting.

Sumo on Sumo

Sumo Sex, I never thought about this and really don't care too. However it makes for a interesting click.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


In the late 1870s, scientist and eugenicist Sir Francis Galton developed an image of the prototypical "face of crime" by creating composite photos of men convicted of serious offenses. Though Galton failed to discover anything abnormal in his composite criminal faces, he did find that the resulting visages were shockingly handsome click to read article

Drinking Dream

I had a dream last night I was drinking in animation land. How scary is that.. I have been working 24/7 and the lack of sleep is obvious in my dreaming selection..

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

lost a good one

We lost a good one today, 90 years old and 55 years of sobriety. He has helped thousands of people through his sobriety. My sponsor was very close to him, like a father and son. He was very sad at the loss of his good friend. The fact is if it wasn't for this kind man I wouldn't have found my sponsor and the odds are I still would be drinking. Friendships made in the program are not your everyday kind of friendships. The friendships are very similar to what a soldier in battle experiences with his comrades. I will say a prayer tonight for his family and my sponsor.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Step Work

I am going back to the basics and start working on my steps again. I feel the time is right and that I am ready for new growth now.

North Korea

I use to drink over news like this "World leaders call for harsh sanctions after N. Korea's claim of a successful nuclear test." It was the impending doom, because I would be nuked, but it was just another excuse to drink. Now that I am sober news like this concerns me for the world and for my boys future.

Sunday, October 08, 2006


I am glad to be sober today. A lot of the bad shit has not happened to me in awhile.

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Saturday, October 07, 2006


This disease takes everything out of me sometimes, and always amplifies the problem. I need to stay in the balance of life in order to endure. I need an outlet and for some reason I have not found it yet. It gives me a lot of hope seeing people like mary christine push herself by cycling. It lets me know I to need a source, a way out, and I will find it soon.

Too Large

This site totally tripped me out. How wild it would have been to be on acid or drunk going to this museum. I would have probably quit drinking and using for awhile or I would have had a heart attack. click link

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When it came to celebrating I was always the first to start. It seemed like I had all sorts of reasons why to celebrate. However it was all just an excuse to drink.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


The desire to drink is always in me, sometimes you just have to look a little closer.

On top of it all Southwest lost my luggage. They suck so bad, this is the second time they did this to me. My flight is 50 mins from SD and they loose the bag WTF. I had to go buy a pair of dress slacks, shirt, underwear, socks, tooth brush, tooth paste and deodorant for tomorrows business meetings. I haven't drank over it yet so that is good. I tried to go to a meeting tonight but the last one on the strip was at 7:30 pm and I couldn't go. That seems so screwed up to me because this town needs a 24 hour meeting.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


I have to go to Las Vegas tomorrow to work with my rep. I hate this place, because of all the temptations. I have been to meetings in Vegas and they have a lot of old timers that attend. So I guess I will check out a meeting tomorrow night. Believe it or not I get more excited about going to meetings when I travel than I do when I am at home.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Monday, October 02, 2006

No Justice?

"A CHILD sex killer is scarred with a tattoo of his victim’s name — gouged into his forehead by fellow inmates at a US jail." link


I have been using this for my videos and it works like a charm. Use the Mixer to edit and combine your videos, photos and music online. Share mixes by email, blog, download or cell phone for free! click link

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I am in a mofuck nasty ass mood. I am sick of all the bullshit "I know more than you" attitude in a meeting I attend. I can't stand some of the pompous ass people and the fact is we only have today. That's it that's all...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Being in the Null Set

This attractiveness scale is about finding the right person for a relationship. The key to success is somewhere in the null set. They say it works.

Head up your ASS

I have my head my ass once in awhile, but every day at work would be a tough one.