Saturday, June 30, 2007

too many kids

Last night or should I say yesterday, I watched not only my three boys but my wife's friend's 3 kids. Her friend is visiting from back east. She has two girls and a boy. My wife and her friend went out to dinner and then to a fire pit bar. It was amazing how the mix of girls kept the boys in line. There was only minor flare ups, but a hell of a lot easier than having my three boys alone. I made spaghetti for dinner and brownies of dessert. I read all of them a story and they went to bed. Wow, I couldn't have done that drinking. My wife and her friend got home around 12:30 am and little buzzed.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

back from phoenix

Wow 112 degrees and I felt like my brain was going to melt. I don't know how the hell people live there. All my meeting went good and this new designer we hired doesn't drink. I think he is one of us, but I am not sure. I felt at ease around him and that only happens with alcoholics and addicts.

Phoenix had its temptations since the weather was hot and a cold beer sounded good. Put it left as fast as it came. You know, we are real winner's today.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

pray to god

When I was drinking I knew god wasn't there for me. Why would god not help a person like me and why did I suffer as well as all the people around me. I do not know the answers to this, but I do know that god was there and I was not. Now things are going good in my life because of god and the program. It is simple as, if I believe in both as much as I can then the odds are that I will be sober tomorrow.

Monday, June 25, 2007


email down and working on. I will catch up tomorrow night.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

cheap labor

I used cheap labor to do some tile work at my house. The job they did sucked and I had to rip some of the tile out and all of the base boards. I was so pissed off I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I ended up going outside and played catch with my younger son. After I calmed down, I went up stairs, paid them and told them to leave. I have been redoing their work all day and I am exhausted. I have to paint the base boards tonight.

A guy in our home group had a call I never want to take. The highway patrol called him to say that his teenage daughter died in a car crash. She was not wearing her seat belt and was thrown from the car. Also they are going to do a toxicology test. She was driving the car.

Friday, June 22, 2007

What's for Breakfast

I use to start my morning with a variety of pills oxycontin's, allergy, high blood pressure and a occasional vitamin. This was all followed by a 750ml bottle of crown royal. Thank god I don't start my mornings like that anymore.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Mother Hips

This is a great socal beach band that knows how to jamm.. click link

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


I was talking with a few fire fighters today and they said this fire season doesn't look good. I don't know why I am posting this, but obviously I don't have a lot of things going on. That is a good thing for someone like me.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

life is a trip being sober

Life is totally cool being sober, it's like having the best drug out there and it is free. I am feeling sober today.

Monday, June 18, 2007

what the

My boss hired his nephew and wants me to train him to work in my territory. There is something wrong with this picture, but whatever. If he wants me gone than so be it. I am too tired to give a shit about this job. I do the best I can and thats got to be worth something. It will be weird, but what isn't in this world. I am part owner of the company so if I leave I will get something. Perhaps scraps, however being sober and dealing with a fear is a hell of a lot easier than being drunk and worrying about everything.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Fathers Day

Happy Fathers day to all the sober fathers. We can break the chain...

Saturday, June 16, 2007

always behind

I was thinking about when I use to drink and use I always felt way behind in my work. It was a constant struggle for years to keep up on a weekly basis. Most of the time projects would just pass me by. Today I am not struggling to keep up and the reason is that I am sober.

Friday, June 15, 2007

sober on a wall

Sometimes this whole sobriety thing is like humpty dumpty sitting on a wall. You go out and drink and your whole life is in pieces. I get my power from god and the people of aa, so I don't plan on sitting on any wall soon.

I found this photo in my camera which I had taken the photo in vegas last month. All is well at the home front and I wish you all well as well. yikes..

Thursday, June 14, 2007

grad boy

Well the little one graduated from preschool today and it was sad. He was so sweet standing up on the alter, I am going to miss him being my little guy. They grow up way to fast. I wish I had more time to spend with them...

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


What the hell, I am beat.. I have been busting my ass all week and my boss wants more. He can kiss my ass because I  not working like a dog unless he throws me some bones.

My youngest is graduating from kindergarten tomorrow. He thinks he is in the bigtime now.. Maybe he is..

Monday, June 11, 2007

laptop down

Well I was slamed by a virus. It knocked my McAffe out. I was up to date on all the virus protection downloads. I was pissed off, because a clean install was evident. After I talked with dell the virus changed to a driver that went bad. It was not good news because a clean install was necessary. I use to drink over shit like this..

Sunday, June 10, 2007

baseball party

I went to my sons baseball party and every was drinking beer. I was a little uncomfortable, but hung anyways. I guess since it was warm out a sunny beer sounded good. It only lasted a second, because if I going out it's going to be several beer trucks. Besides these guys were buzzed on a few beers. I had fun after a while and added some humor flavor to the conversation. My son was glad I went and thats all I care about.


Saturday, June 09, 2007


I had dinner tonight with my wife and several friends of ours. They are norms but fun to hang around. They were drinking martini's but had just two each. So it's perfect for me to be around, because they don't drink a lot. For some reason the more a person drinks the more I want to drink. So if someone is drunk, that is the type of buzz I would want.

I can't hide from the world just because my life style is now different. If I am truly to survive, I need to coexist in a drinking and using world. That's what AA allows me to do, coexist.

late night

I am having a late night trying to place a .swf file into a blog centered. The height and width keeps screwing up. It's in blogger and I am doing it for my clients. Whatever it seems like this crap is un-ending. Rusty is good so maybe she or anyone else can help me. I just a little run down, so sleep tight.



Thursday, June 07, 2007

it's over

The funeral was a sad affair, and their two boys looked worn out. It was an hour and 1/2 and was way to short for someones life. We went over to their house after the funeral and it was just me, my wife and my 3 boys with her and the two boys. We talked of how things could have been different if we only had 8 hours more. He would have been in detox at the hospital and on his way to recovery. But today is the last day he will be remembered like he was at the funeral. There is no coming back and people begin to forget about you. That is sad to me, but if I drink it will happen to me. I want to live today, because I am sober.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007


I can't believe it is already Wednesday.. This week is flying by fast. Tomorrow is the day and I want to run for some reason. There are no kids allowed except for ours which is strange in a way, but maybe not so strange because their father was an alcoholic and I know I am one. I think I am feeling this freak shit because it should have been me laying in that coffin. I was thinking motorcycle mike can get me out of here. haha. Actually if you look at the photo close you will notice that it is Daave riding on the back..


Monday, June 04, 2007


Well my son's last baseball game was tonight and they lost 5 to 2. He struck out and popped out and of course it was with his new bat. I felt bad for him because he wanted to hit the ball so bad. He will have to wait till winter ball to get another chance. All three will be playing winter baseball, but for now it will be soccer for the youngest two and football for the oldest.

Well the funeral is Thursday and I am really not looking forward to going. The emotional ride I have been on is exhausting. I need to do it for his kids and wife, they need our support so I will suck it up. I am a alcoholic and the things that make me feel uncomfortable are the things I need to do.


Sunday, June 03, 2007



I am heading out to practice with my oldest boy. His team is in the playoffs and I bought him a lighter bat. He was a switch hitter last year and the bat he has is to heavy to hit left handed. So there go's another $100.00. He wants to switch hit in the playoffs because of the left handed pitchers.

My wife is back from oregon and the boys are happy. They really love their mother..She bought me the new book by Cormac McCarthy. He is my favorite author..

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Harland Miller

I remember the first time I came across the Hemingway painting I'm So Fucking Hard - it was propped against the wall in a studio, an appropriately imposing object, about 6ft by 4ft - I laughed out loud. Ditto its companion painting, Dirty Northern Bastard, attributed to DH Lawrence. click link

Jonas Valtersson

Jonas Valtersson is a great photographer that has a lot of cool photos. click link



This is a new way of posting to your blog using adobe contribute CS3...

reading to the boys

My oldest son has read books from early childhood. At 6 he could read a 200 + page book in 45 minutes. I would often see him siting by himself reading a novel. It's really cool to see that, because I never did. As he gets older I hope he keeps his thoughts to the book and not other things..

I am looking for laughter this weekend, because I need to laugh.

Friday, June 01, 2007


That's for wife's out of town. She had to fly up to bend oregon for a meeting. She will be back tomorrow, so therefore I have the boys. My oldest son has a baseball tournament game tonight, so that will be fun. I took them to school today and they were all happy which made me feel good. Thanks for the prayers for our friend..