Friday, June 30, 2006

synthetic Human Skin

Holy shit this Skin Bag company sells synthetic human skin products. I wonder if they will come out with a Texas chain saw line of apparel.

JOB

This truck was in front of me on my way to work. I hope this is not a sign from god!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Half Naked Thursday

Hey this guy maybe the founder or really wants to join half naked thursdays HNT Founder?link

405

I am sitting in a sea of traffic. A traffic alert sign said 1 hour delay, but it didn't say to where. Sitting in traffic allows my head to start running. I was day dreaming that I was at the beach sitting on a patio drinking one beer. Then I snapped out of it and this question appeared in my head, why just one idiot.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The Hand

I was just looking at my hand on the keyboard, when all of a sudden I had a flashback from the movie "The Hand". That movie scared the hell out of me.. posted on HNT.

Los Angeles

It seems like I am in LA almost every other day and it has been hot. Today I was in China Town and I stopped for a quick bite. I had beef and broccoli in a place with no AC. I was sweating eating the hot dish. I ended up leaving half of it, because I couldn't stand the heat. The meeting went ok and I headed home sober.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Gone

When I was drinking I would often think of killing myself. It was to stop the pain, but a lot of the time it was "They will be sorry. I will show them, they are going to miss me". Why would I want to hurt others around me as well as myself. It is all about "me" and the sad fact is life moves on. I realized it in rehab when I went out in the courtyard to smoke and heard cars on the highway of people going to work. I must be truly a pompous ass to think they would have stopped working because I was in rehab. I don't think that way all the time, now that I have a God and the 12 steps. Today I will be ok.

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Serenity

This guy shared about challenges vs. serenity. The need we have to keep ourselves challenged I feel is greatly ignored. I can't have serenity with out being challenged. I could sit in a box believing that I was full of serenity and never come out.  What takes me out of that box are challenges. I have talked to many so called AA Guru's out there who appear to be a serene being, but are truly unhappy and fearful inside. This is my 2nd chance at life and I want to make the most of it being sober. I love this quote "what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

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Monday, June 26, 2006

Heroin

We had a guy that OD on heroin. He had been struggling to stay sober for years. Working with multiple sponsors in an effort to try to get this thing we call sobriety. Sobriety is a fragile thing that we can lose at anytime and there are no guarantees of staying sober. The only guarantee we will have is a seat in a meeting of alcoholics anonymous.

Mr. T




I sat down down to see what my kids were watching and it was a Mr. T cartoon. This was that old cartoon reject from the 80's. My kids were laughing at the stupid kid talking like Mr. T. Quality time spent sober laughing with my boys. "I pitty the fool who picks up the first drink"



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Sunday, June 25, 2006

Waiting Game

I was talking with a friend of mine and he told me he had a problem with alcohol 10 years ago, but now he just drinks a couple. I really have only seen him drunk a couple times in 6 years. Wow I thought that must be nice I would love to be able just to have a couple. I unfortunately need more than just a couple and a couple just wouldn't do it for me. The problem with me is that my disease just waits until I am at a low point and then hits me hard. My life is unmanageable when I drink, so therefore I am grateful I am sober today and for my friend good luck.


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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Performancing Metrics

Performancing Metrics

Saturday

No more soccer till fall. I wanted to pick up another meeting for saturday mornings. However my wife wants to work out at the gym 9:00am 9:15am. I am going to have get a early meeting around 7:00am and thank god I am in San Diego where meetings are plentiful. I have been to other cities and the meetings are not as easy to work into your schedule.
Sunday night is my last night as secretary and I will be lacking a commitment. I was thinking about going to the rehab center where I attended and work with people in detox. I think this will be a really good opportunity to give something back.


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Copulator

The shit that people come up with truly amazes me. This guy I guess had blisters on his hands from over use.

Friday, June 23, 2006

My Office

    I am going to have to look for a new office. This place was a good one in sobriety. The building is on church property and a blind guy Jim lives upstairs. It is a safe place for me to be at.

Moleskine

I am glad friday is here. I am still trying to organize myself and finally I think Moleskine has got the tool for me. They have a new calendar book that is exactly what I have wanted. I have been searching endlessly for the right system and now it is here. The week is on one side and the notes on the other (to do list). moleskine

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Young Son

This is the guy that creates all the havoc in my family. Anything that is going on good or bad, you will find him. He is the one who wants to play every sport and seems to be a natural athlete. I have been playing with him a little more than the other two, because he is the one asking all the time. The other two saw their father drunk, mainly the older one. I feel sad sometimes because of all the shit I caused. I need to try and balance the time I spend with each boy. I am still struggling to be the best father I can to my boys. I sometimes find myself as one of them and that is usually when the problem starts.

Arm This...

Post on HNT

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Alcoholic Mind

I am glad that I don't have the cross hairs on me today.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Today Will Soon Pass

I have finally figured out why I have been in this half ass mood. I have been in my head to long so therefore the committee starts talking and the next thing you know your on vacation in your head. It is a very dangerous place to be stuck alone. I was listening to all the bullshit and before I knew it, I felt like the only way to solve my problem was to have a drink. That thought only lasted a few minutes, however the feeling lingered to long for comfort. I need to go to more meetings and stay close to the pack or my ass is going to be shot off.

Lack of Sleep

The job search is not yielding any immediate promises and my ability to get a good night sleep is gone. I feel like a zombie. What scares me is at the meeting (home group) we have had a couple people go out. I don't have enough energy to go out and make it back. I need to go to a meeting and pray to my god for help.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Fathers Day

I don't remember doing something like this when I was drinking, but who knows. I don't remember to many things about my drinking days except for bits and pieces. The one thing I will remember is today's father's day. I was sober today and had fun and had a lot of hugs from my kids. My dad who is still drinking and will die soon from alcoholism did not call. I really don't care that he didn't call me either.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Jobbb??

I am going through a funk on this whole job issue. I made some calls and nothing yet. I really don't believe they know what they are doing. Are they crazy, I am on the market the calls should be flooding in. I should even be getting calls from people who don't know I am looking for a job offering me a job. The problem is that is not real. People have there own agendas and maybe just maybe they might be busy. So I am not on the A-list I will get over it. Once again life on life terms and not mine. I haven't been as fearful because I am sober, however if I was drinking everyone around me would be paying the price for this problem they created for me. Not only would I be miserable but so would everyone else around me. The whole concept of drinking again gives me the chills, nothing good ever came from me drinking.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Over Understanding The Steps

I feel as though I am in a void of Time. Not knowing where to start or qualified to start because of living steps are a type of internship. It’s the amount of time you had addressed and worked in the steps. It also includes big book reading and the amount practice you have applied in the real world. Based upon this method I have 6 years of sobriety.

Can you find Waldo ?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

San Fran

My wife is in San Francisco for two days and I am watching my boys. I have bids due tomorrow and the youngest one has a fever. I totally went blank as what to do, which scared the hell out of me. Then it hit thermometer, Motrin, Gatorade and I had it all. I went into action like a pro leaving all doubts behind. He had a fever of 101, so I watched him closely until the Motrin kicked in and the fever went down. I checked on him again and it was still down. It hit me all of a sudden, what if I had been drinking. Well the first thing my wife would have never left. She raised the kids when I was drinking, because for some reason I never had the time. Today I have the time because of a simple program called alcoholics anonymous.

My Job

I have to help create a product that is in the customers mind.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Motivation

I made this for my wife as a joke. I will now be the one waiting.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

WNBR cuming to your town

"Protest oil dependency of oil and celebrate the power and individually of our bodies"

World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR) is being organized and supported by many different groups. The groups are only connected by their determination to all be naked on their bikes on WNBR Day, riding in celebration, jubilation to deliver a vision of a cleaner, safer, body-positive world to the masses. We have many great reasons to be celebrating, with all the glory of naked two-wheel sanity. It's time to join hundreds of naked compatriots in a free, non-sexual, fun bike ride! http://www.worldnakedbikeride.org/res_high/index.html  Wow its sponsored by "Clothes Free" The have a weekly magazine they send out showing sweaty fat people jumping into a pool.  This just the magazine I want to read while eating breakfast.  They even sale merchandise hats T  Shirts etc,  This whole con is for the money. Read the above site.

"NEW" 3/12 Program

I having been working the 3/12 program and it has been working fine for me. Or better yet I have been doing the working life steps. Seems confusing, well I will simplify the process. The first thing you do is get through the first three steps and then you sit on step four for awhile. You then attend a step study once a week and don't do anything. You then pick up a bible study class. You talk to other alcoholics divulging your skeletons until you feel more at ease. You talk to your sponsor on a daily bases to keep you on track. Do you feel better now? If not, the reason is you have to finish the steps and work with other alcoholics. If you truly want the promises the steps have to be done and you must sponsor another alcoholic. Ok having said that where does the family fit into this new ever changing schedule. I spoke to a few wives of people in the program and their husbands are either at the horse track or a meeting. Too many meetings can kill a family and not enough can kill you. The balance I believe is through your higher power. Back to the steps you need to complete them sooner than later, because the longer you wait the harder it gets to finish. I should have done them sooner, because the pile just seems to grow.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Good Day

Today we had two soccer games going on. One was my 4 year old and the other my 7 year old. My youngest son is the natural athlete and the middle one is the aggressive one. The middle one is like me and he likes to do things his way. My oldest son is the intellect and at 9 he has been tested at a 6th/7th grade reading/math level. He gets that from his mother. They all have a fairly normal life now since I am sober. One of the biggest things I see now at 2 years is the chain being broken. It is something I get to do for myself and my family. It is not always easy being sober, but knowing that the bulldozers and wrecking balls are right behind me seems to help keep everything fresh. Today I guess I am just thankful to be alive. Note: This gif was floating around.

Zarqawi

No Virgins aghhhh.....

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

Memories

I can't help but wonder what my kids remember from my drinking days. I really hope they don't remember walking over their dad laid passed out in the middle of the floor. The falling down and splitting the head open or having to go to hospital because their dad needed medical treatment. Memories for me are still painful even after a couple years. The difference is that they didn't see me fall today or pass out, because today I am sober.

An Apple a Day

might not keep Danny away! Post on TNT

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Love at First Bite

This couple is wacked. I have heard of tattoos, jewelry, etc for showing your bond of commitment, but this is over the edge. Read their story.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Kids Meltdown

They just could make it another 4 hours. They where all crying for mom ma. Geez I didn't do anything, I guess they are just anxious for her to get home.

Kid Shows

Are the Japanese corrupting our kids? I spent time analyzing the shows my kids watch. Robot Boy is a strange one and I kept looking for the hidden messages. They have young girls with short dresses that blow up with wind. I think they are a little sick and border being rated xxx.

Japan Ad Designers Rock

This is one of the paths I didn't take, advertising. Also an american design firm actually designed the ad.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Weekend Almost Done

I have made it through the weekend still sober after watching my three boys. It has been typical, expecting something worse than it turns out to be. The expectations are an on going problem that I continue to work on. I am really happy today because I organized my work week, cleaned the house and played with the boys. I didnt have to hardly raise my voice and for that I am grateful.

Beach

Look closely you can almost see the beach.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Wife Gone

My wife is out of town attending her grandmothers 90th birthday. I am home alone with the three boys. I have a new respect for my wife, because being dad the taxi is killing me. Today I had two different soccer games and a birthday party and a play date. All this was accomplished by the seat of ass. I used almost a tank of gas today shuttling back and forth. I ended the day by taking my kids to my sponsor’s house for a swim. It was the first time he met my kids. It ended up being pretty cool. I have kept my kids sheltered from AA. I believe they are too young to understand as well as they would blow my anonymity. Finally we ended up at Baskin Robbins eating ice cream and laughing. Today I am sober and only have quality problems.

Friday, June 02, 2006

BUSH

Out

I am running into more and more people going out on meds. They don’t pick up that first drink, however picking up a bottle of pills and that isn't different. We are alcoholics and addicts and gravitate to things that will take us away from our life. Ones over the counter and the other ones behind the counter. It was interesting talking to some of the people, they seemed to all have a few things in common, they all were distant from there higher power and from meetings. I just thank god for what ever reason, I am a sober person today.

YUK.....

10 Things To Make You Want to Puke Submitted by Amused and Bemused on Thu, 2006-06-01 07:37. :: Blog Posting What is the weirdest thing you ever ate? I can eat almost everything as my big frame can attest, but there are limits to even my gluttony. I realize that foods that one eats and enjoys are culture based and the love of sushi, kimchi, and a rare steak are cultivated based on where you were raised, but some things are just plain disgusting (at least to my plebian brain). Here are my choices for 10 the Weirdest Things That People Eat:

Burning Man

What a fucked place I went there for a short time and left. I was still drinking and using however this place was a little to free of the sex for me. I was there 3-4 hours and then bolt. You can feel the devil breathing on you at this place.