When I was drinking I would often think of killing myself. It was to stop the pain, but a lot of the time it was "They will be sorry. I will show them, they are going to miss me". Why would I want to hurt others around me as well as myself. It is all about "me" and the sad fact is life moves on. I realized it in rehab when I went out in the courtyard to smoke and heard cars on the highway of people going to work. I must be truly a pompous ass to think they would have stopped working because I was in rehab. I don't think that way all the time, now that I have a God and the 12 steps. Today I will be ok.
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