Friday, August 31, 2007

catch up

Finally the weekend is here and I can play catch up on my work. I can also catch up to my blog peps. I feel a little stressed with the job thing. I feel it is going south, so oh well. The first football game for my son is tomorrow. I hope he does well or just has fun. The coach is from the barrio so he thinks he is a tough guy. I hope the kids get past his ego and just play the game. Whatever it's out of my hands, for now.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

tomorrow job or not

Tomorrow I will find out if this job will meet my requirements. That is financially. I am a little nervous, but ready to get this deal over one way or another. I have been teased with the bone long enough.

My wife is out of town and I am putting the boys to bed. What a day it has been, phoenix in the morning and I flew back this afternoon. I came home just in time for my wife to go to lax airport. She will be in oregon till friday afternoon. Life can be rewarding and draining at the same time. Photo is of my oldest boy in san fran..


I am here in phoenix and it is 105 degrees tonight. That's pretty cold out, since last week it was 112 degrees. I meeting in the morning and then Iam out.

Monday, August 27, 2007

life on life

wow life feels crazy as hell for me. the three boys are making me feel like a circus act intead of a father. I just am trying my best to stay focused on being the best dad I can be.. I wish things would slow down just a nano minute.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


I don't feel like going to a meeting tonight. I have been taking naps all day. I think my body is basically shutting down from the weeks of limited sleep.  I was looking forward to getting more organized at my office. I guess that will have to wait till tomorrow unless I get a second wind.

My youngest boy has the ultimate black eye. It is a shinner that actually shines pretty bright. My middle son pitched him a soccer ball and the bat bounced back and nailed him in the eye. wow..

Saturday, August 25, 2007


It affects everyone in the family and especially the kids.

I have been going nuts about this new job, everything is pointing at take the job. I have been having those god things happen lately. They are freaky and not coincidental. I am happy things are good today.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


When I was in rehab there was a large american indian who taught me the way to a sober life. He told me one day that when you see a young rabbit it's a sign that you need more patience. The next morning I saw three, so I have been working on it since.

I met for lunch today the person who I would manage at my new job. She was nice, and your typical california hippy. I would be able to work with her so that is a good thing. They are suppose to make an offer next week.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

san onfre

This is the best surf spot in southern california. It is also home to san onfre nuke power plant, the dolly parton's of socal. I was driving through there once and it was raining clouds of ash. I wonder if I am glowing.. Wow that is why I drive fast through there..

I am feeling better after the million dollar man kicked me in the balls and then ran away. I will have more opportunities to get million dollar projects as long as I am sober.

dif between men and women

Hell yes there is a big difference between men and women...

Monday, August 20, 2007


I am sitting at my sons soccer practice. He is a free spirited kid, and I enjoy to watch him. My grandfather always said that I was a free spirit, and he told my father not to take that away from me. Shortly after my father broke my spirit.

I lost the millon dollar project, and feel sick about the whole thing. However it wasn't suppose to be. I am happy just to see my son having fun.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

hearing bullshit

I went to a meeting tonight and I keep hearing the same bull shit. The people who put themselves on this higher level. The reality is we all have just today, so in a sense I am the same as a newcomer. Even with the tools in the book I can be taken any day from this world of sobriety. I was a every day drinker and it began at 6:00 am so for me each day of sobriety is a gift.

my progress

Maybe I could also track my sobriety on this beta. No I have god doing that for me. We are all looking for progress... The beta is pretty cool. link

Saturday, August 18, 2007

soccer sober

Another hot day in socal and the kids were feeling the heat. My son's team won 6 to 1 and so far they are undefeated. My boy is playing the closest to side where I am filming. I don't know to much about soccer, so I don't know the positions. Shit that sounds bad..


We have dos soccer games today. That was a little Spanish for the espanola impaired. Football starts in a couple weeks. It will be a nightmare when football starts, because they play all over sd county. Sober today and happy that I got a good start last night on my weekend paperwork. I will show a video later of my sons game with my new video cam see camera

Friday, August 17, 2007


I feel like I am falling behind in my work. It's just because I am wearing to many hats. My ass has been hurting my sitting viewing spread sheet after spread sheet. I am project managing these jobs that are very large and it feels like they are managing me. Wow it sounds as though I need a meeting, which will come Sunday night. Next week will be lighter so I will have more time to play catch up. asta la vista what ever the hell that means..

dog and cat

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

hot chick

I remember these days so well. You have your drugs and liquor and a hot date. All in that order. I thought I was cool because that is what alcohol and drugs did for me. Until one day it became all of me.

My oldest son is playing the sick role at football practice. I can't take it any more. He has the talent but not the drive inside of him. He wants the glory with half the work. He has quit several sports, because he grows tired of the work it takes. My wife and I had a fight because she says he has a lack of esteem however I think he is just lazy and spoiled.

Monday, August 13, 2007

head aches

I have been having real bad headaches. My vision gets fuzzy and its hard to see. Iam going to bed.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

new job?

I had a third conversation with a global company that wants to hire me. The position is very good and very prestigious for my industry. I am excited about the potential, however the offer will be sent to me this week. I am sure we will go back and forth until we agree or disagree. Whether I agree to take the job or not, it has been good for my self esteem. I am in this situation because of god and that I did what was asked of me by my sponsor and other's in the program. I never did what I wanted, because that would have been drinking.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

how close are we

For me the closest I get to becoming homeless is one drink away. The first drink is a good as it gets. The rest of the drinks are weights to bury me.


If I drink again it would be fatal. My relationships I have now sober with my family would be over. The chances of being in my boys life will be gone. I may not die quickly, but without them my life would be gone.

Well we have just 2 soccer games today. The football games don't start till the end of august. Our anniversary is coming up next week and it will be 16 years. We are on rocky roads but we need to stay strong. We are seeing a marriage counselor next week. More work with hopefully new tools.

Friday, August 10, 2007


I am back at the sports thing with the boys. Here is the deal, we have 2 soccer games and a football game to attend every saturday for the next several month's. I am going to my oldest son's football practice tonight. The two other boy's are playing soccer. The costs associated with each sport is around $500.00 per kid. Thats a lot of money when you're kids play spring, summer and winter ball. Actually the cost incurred is around $4500.00 total. The logistic's part is a nightmare, so I stay out of that and follow my wife's dirrection. <p>

I have always been against cloning however I am thinking it might be good for some parents.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

house of hung

I wonder if they have my photo in this place


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

kids and life

This has been a crazy ass ride. I have been at the heap of the bottom and now I am moving towards the top. I make sure my ass does not stay too far from the program.   I have all of my life today to thank for because of god and the program. Another part to the puzzle is going to bible study, which helps me keep the hands off of the control panel. When I take the controls in my life I always take a nose dive. I held off the controls of my life today and things are great.


Blog Entry dated 8/8/2007 8:23 AM

I feel ok today. I think what has been wrong is that I have too mas on my plate. I have been wearing a multitude of hats at my job. I feel spread to thin so if you want to call that fear, I would say you are right. I get frustrated with any with any changes that effect my control at the job. Did I say control..yikes. I need to get on my knees and pray.

Monday, August 06, 2007

want to fight?

Man, I am in one of those moods where I want to kick some one's ass or in the process get my ass kicked. I have been pushing every ones buttons at work today. I am a master at pushing buttons and I should have been a elevator operator. I have been pissed for what? I just can't seem to find a reason. By the way this is not my finger.

Saturday, August 04, 2007


How bad does it have to get, before step 1 becomes clear. Life unmanageable?

This photo makes me sick. The only person that I am concerned about in this photo is the young child. What's the damage caused by this asshole, god only knows. I am glad to be sober today.


No sex, please, you're a carnivore. A new phenomenon in New Zealand is taking the idea of you are what you eat to the extreme. Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals.


Thursday, August 02, 2007

hot as hell

I am in phoenix meeting clients with my rep. The weather sucks because it's 105 and humid. I feel like I am going to turn into sand and blow across the desert. I can't stand coming here in the summer, if hell is on earth it's in phoenix.

The company I went on the job interview with wants to hire me. Shit I don't know what to do now. So, either I take the new job or stay with the current job..yikes

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

hop scotch in San Fran

My youngest son hop scotching in San Francisco...He is my baseball player.