I seem to be doing more things with my kids and wife now that I am sober. I don't have to worry about going to the liquor store several times a day. I am not worried about running out or where to hide the bottle. It amazes me how much time I spent on all of the wrong things in life. Today I have a new fix on life and that is time with my boys.
There are too many families that are homeless not having a thanksgiving. Please spread your thanks by giving to others.
The more I step out of the way the better. It is final, I looking for another job because things will never change. I have kept hoping things would change but the reality is that they never will. The only thing I can change is me with gods help.
For me isolation is a comfortable state to be in, but a dangerous place. I keep dragging myself out of it, by doing the things I don't want to do. I still don't want to go to meetings, but with something’s there is no option if I want to stay sober and meetings are at the top of the list. Once I go to a meeting I always feel that I am glad I did go. I didn’t want to go to dinner last night with friends of ours, but afterwards I am glad I went. What in hell is this half ass feeling I have? I asked my wife to describe me as person and she said I am extrovert that is sometimes anti-social. What the fu*#K is that..
Love means something now that I am sober. It was never the cheap wine and sex that I thought. It is about being responsible, and loving someone unconditionally. That was a hard concept for me when drinking, because my only love was a full glass of alcohol.
Alls good in the world of dad land. I took all the boys to my 10 years old baseball practice. We had fun watching him practice for two hours. We came home and had taquitos and avocados. I am now tired....
Man do I have a hell of a headache. The boys were in rare form today battling each other. My oldest son woke me up this morning by knocking on my head like it was the front door and the day went down hill from there. I feel like I was a stand in as a piñata all my muscles hurt. They are good kids but they pushed me a little too hard today. I took two aspirin earlier and no relief is in site. The next step is a damp wash cloth to cover my forehead and eyes, Ah yes maybe a meditation tape.
My wife is in Manhattan, I am alone with my 3 boys and they are driving me nuts. I feel like I can't get away, our families for the most part live on the east coast. Our friends are watching to see if I can pull it off without their help. I will be lucky not to be taken away in a straight jacket by the end of the week.
My son hit a homerun last night at his game. He gave me a thumbs up and that was cool. He has been taking my advice on how to hit the ball and field. I love that my son thinks of me as someone who can provide him direction. My wife was just glowing in the crowd with a school girl glee, which made me happy. He is going to remember this day the rest of his life and I was able to be a part of instead of being part of the problem.
I feel so melancholy today, I just want this whole job thing done. The drama involved with this job is getting old fast. Plus I am giving my boss "the little man" too much power. I prayed last night for god to give me direction on what I need to do in my life to make it better. I need to move forward otherwise I will probably end up drinking. This life we lead is not always easy and doesn't come with a manual, so that's why we need god.
Take a ride with me Live on my way home tonight at 4:30 pm PST scroll down video on the right...
I spoke to my boss today and he agreed to pay most of my expenses. However I felt like he was back pedaling on the issue of more money. There is still nothing set neither in stone nor on paper. I made good points and stood my ground with out anger, which for an Irish alcoholic is hard. I simply focused on what my accomplishments were and my current project pipeline for 2007. I did the best I could today and for that I am thankful. My son chose a green cast for his broken arm. Today I thank god that he is ok.
Today I almost drank because of my fear. I had a culmination of things going on. I have been feeling nervous about our new national sales manager coming out to visit me. I don't know why, because technically I am in a higher position. My 7 year old son broke his wrist trying to climb over a fence. My wife took him to the hospital. I then received a call from a credit agency saying that we owe a lot of money. My wife was upset, I was up set and it all stemmed from my company not paying my expenses in a timely fashion. My company owes me a lot of money and I am getting scared. I am talking to the president in our company tomorrow morning.
There was a strong undercurrent of sharing about the importance of step work at last nights meeting. I have been mulling it over and over all day. Time to get back at this deal, so I can keep living the way I am, happy joyous and free.
Wow, I am going to have to get my wife one of these men 2007 calendars. She use to watch the show "Six Feet Under" click here
I made it to my sons game, just in time to see his bat go flying. I shut the video down do to length. Sorry no popcorn.
My wife is working for a .com company that is skyrocketing right now. It is a great opportunity for her. Now they have offered me a job setting up a new market. Yikes we would have to move to Oregon and that means change. I am thinking on this one. Actually, I am praying on this one.
That is asshole in Chinese. These jackass Episcopal Church vesticles are tossing me out of my office. I have had my office here since getting sober. I was renting a small back office which helped subsidized the building. I haven't been to church there since they have been praying to mother Jesus. That is fucked up and I have heard it with my own ears. I will be glad to get away from these wack jobs.
I think I am going to kinkos and get this sheet laminated. 
I am always struggling to keep balance in my life. What seems to bring me back to center is prayer.
I think the negativity today was all from being Nov 1. I always feel that time is moving to fast. The things to do are becoming the things not done.
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