I am still fighting with some 4th step issues and I need to work through them. I just haven't put the stick down and I have 4 years of sobriety. I hope that I can do it soon.
I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I need a few more days however I will be in the grind this week.
I am working on the 4Th step tonight and tomorrow. I need to finish up by tomorrow. I need to make it easier at least with not all these spreadsheets via internet. The best way is to stay with what the big book says and not use all theses internet spreadsheets. It is leading me to frustration.
Mumbai terror attack
Hopefully there is an end to these terror attacks but its doubtful.
Took off early today from work and I am going to hang with the boys and my wife. So that is a good day for me.
Man my head has been hurting lately. Lack of sleep and expectations seem to be running my life. I guess people are not of the same page as me so it gets frustrating.
The boys are doing good and driving to insanity. There constant fighting and name calling is enough to get me back on the bottle. They have been attacking me with wresling, kung fu and street brawl moves lately as some age development thing.
If this all a result of the Mayan calender coming to an end in 2012. What a trip that would the damn Mexicans had the clue all along.
My son's birthday was yesterday and it was a good time. Today one of the kid's fathers that attended the party invited me and my son to the football game tonight. I have to go to my meeting tonight so I said no. My wife is pissed off at me, but I missed last weeks meeting and I cant miss tonight. I guess its my fault.
You know sometimes it feels like your getting it in the ass. My boss made me sign this bullshit contract that screws me out of money. He uses fear tactics to help get what he wants.
Step working I am trying to finish step 4 by the 28th of November.
Holy shit maybe my dog will stay off my neighbors legs. This a great idea for the animals to release stress.
I am doing ok today and thats good. I need laughter it helps me feel better.
I hate clowns so I am not worried about that addiction.
I am feeling better because I talked to several guys in the program. It blows me away how you feel at home when your with people who think and share in addiction. We have all lost everything, someone or even almost our life. That bonds us together.
I went to bible study again tonight and I felt cleansed when I left. It is not your typical because it is made up of cynical alcoholics and a preacher. It is like the misfits looking for god, but he is there and that is cool.
The spiritual part of this program is big and without it I will be drunk. Its the balance of the spirituality + meetings + helping other alcoholics = serenity. I really needed the spiritual part of the equation today.
I ended up not going to the meeting tonight and elected to go to dinner with my family. I don't know if I am burned out or just on my way to the next drink. I am getting tired of the same people and same bullshit stories. I just pray to god that he gives me some direction.
I have been thinking about how it sucks to never be able to drink again. It is when it gets towards the holidays I feel like this. I need to remember that I drank for over 25 years of my life. So now I need to live the rest sober.
My son had his all-star games today and they came in second. I am a lucky man.
Wow I am coming back from a disaster year to a good year. My 4Th quarter sales are boosting me to a good year. I have been praying and working my ass off. In some ways I put myself into this position. I seem to like being on the edge and pushing my to come up with a hell mary pass and I made it this year. I have to try hard not to put myself in this position, because it is bad behavior. Setting myself up for potential failure is not good. I have a family that relies on me.
One more thing on this politics shit, I think we should charge GW Bush rent for using the White House to fuck off in.
Going to a meeting tonight however I am battling the flu..
I guess I am not the only one to have smoked and inhaled. I guess we are in the process of change, however I don"t think GW Bush should get off so lightly. We ought to confiscate his farm as well as all his money. The bitch sold us down the river and as far as the CEO's from the defunct financial institutions a public beheading.
I have been to busy to catch a meeting in a couple of weeks. Life has been crazy and I just didn't fuckin drink. That works for when I am meetingless however it wont last forever so I need to attend my home group meeting tomorrow. That is the plan my man.
I have felt like my life has been moving in all directions. I feel like I am hanging on by rope as my body is being tossed back and forth into buildings. Hell I am trying to fiqure out where I am now.
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