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Mi Casa

I am glad that I am home now. Today I went to my son's basketball game. He wasn't playing because his wrist was injured. He sat with his team even though he didn't want to. I had fun today playing with my boys and watching them laugh.

Post Convention: I feel like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because while I was at the convention a key account raved about my performance on a recent project. My boss "the little man" was taken back by the response, but he raised my salary a little closer to what it was earlier this year. This means a little bit of the financial pressure will be off for now. All this is because of god and the program of alcoholics anonymous.

Hard decision

For some this would be a hard decision, but for an alcoholic it is the beer.

Convention

I have been at a convention all week and had no time to do anything but to talk and sleep. I am in Scottsdale AZ and getting ready to leave tonight. The convention was full of drunks and the smell of alcohol permeated the air. The alcohol was free and the members drank their fill. I was sick of talking to all those drunken bastards. They all talked bullshit and their egos were larger than the world. I missed drinking just a little bit, but God I am glad I am sober.

New Fix

I seem to be doing more things with my kids and wife now that I am sober. I don't have to worry about going to the liquor store several times a day. I am not worried about running out or where to hide the bottle. It amazes me how much time I spent on all of the wrong things in life. Today I have a new fix on life and that is time with my boys.

Live Taco update: I am having problems with camstreams encoder, so it's taking a little more of my free time. I will be glad when it is over.

Spread your thanks

There are too many families that are homeless not having a thanksgiving. Please spread your thanks by giving to others.

daryl hannah's love life

daryl hannah is awesome. click link

Gods Way

The more I step out of the way the better. It is final, I looking for another job because things will never change. I have kept hoping things would change but the reality is that they never will. The only thing I can change is me with gods help.

Isolation

For me isolation is a comfortable state to be in, but a dangerous place. I keep dragging myself out of it, by doing the things I don't want to do. I still don't want to go to meetings, but with something’s there is no option if I want to stay sober and meetings are at the top of the list. Once I go to a meeting I always feel that I am glad I did go. I didn’t want to go to dinner last night with friends of ours, but afterwards I am glad I went. What in hell is this half ass feeling I have? I asked my wife to describe me as person and she said I am extrovert that is sometimes anti-social. What the fu*#K is that..

Live Taco: I am working on running a better live video stream..

Live Taco

Ride with Live Taco on a test run of a moving webcam...12:30 pm Saturday November 18th 2006. Here is the link click. Is coffee bitch and live taco one?

Easy Love

Love means something now that I am sober. It was never the cheap wine and sex that I thought. It is about being responsible, and loving someone unconditionally. That was a hard concept for me when drinking, because my only love was a full glass of alcohol.

My wife will be home tomorrow and its downhill from here. Tonight I am going to clean the house for her and yes the boys still love me and I love them.

Practice

Alls good in the world of dad land. I took all the boys to my 10 years old baseball practice. We had fun watching him practice for two hours. We came home and had taquitos and avocados. I am now tired....

Headache

Man do I have a hell of a headache. The boys were in rare form today battling each other. My oldest son woke me up this morning by knocking on my head like it was the front door and the day went down hill from there. I feel like I was a stand in as a piñata all my muscles hurt. They are good kids but they pushed me a little too hard today. I took two aspirin earlier and no relief is in site. The next step is a damp wash cloth to cover my forehead and eyes, Ah yes maybe a meditation tape.

Matthew Dols

Home Alone

My wife is in Manhattan, I am alone with my 3 boys and they are driving me nuts. I feel like I can't get away, our families for the most part live on the east coast. Our friends are watching to see if I can pull it off without their help. I will be lucky not to be taken away in a straight jacket by the end of the week.

Homerun

My son hit a homerun last night at his game. He gave me a thumbs up and that was cool. He has been taking my advice on how to hit the ball and field. I love that my son thinks of me as someone who can provide him direction. My wife was just glowing in the crowd with a school girl glee, which made me happy. He is going to remember this day the rest of his life and I was able to be a part of instead of being part of the problem.

Dog chasing tail

I feel so melancholy today, I just want this whole job thing done. The drama involved with this job is getting old fast. Plus I am giving my boss "the little man" too much power. I prayed last night for god to give me direction on what I need to do in my life to make it better. I need to move forward otherwise I will probably end up drinking. This life we lead is not always easy and doesn't come with a manual, so that's why we need god.

live at 4:30 pm PST

Take a ride with me Live on my way home tonight at 4:30 pm PST scroll down video on the right...

Nothing but green cast

I spoke to my boss today and he agreed to pay most of my expenses. However I felt like he was back pedaling on the issue of more money. There is still nothing set neither in stone nor on paper. I made good points and stood my ground with out anger, which for an Irish alcoholic is hard. I simply focused on what my accomplishments were and my current project pipeline for 2007. I did the best I could today and for that I am thankful. My son chose a green cast for his broken arm. Today I thank god that he is ok.

Fear

Today I almost drank because of my fear. I had a culmination of things going on. I have been feeling nervous about our new national sales manager coming out to visit me. I don't know why, because technically I am in a higher position. My 7 year old son broke his wrist trying to climb over a fence. My wife took him to the hospital. I then received a call from a credit agency saying that we owe a lot of money. My wife was upset, I was up set and it all stemmed from my company not paying my expenses in a timely fashion. My company owes me a lot of money and I am getting scared. I am talking to the president in our company tomorrow morning.