Happy New Year.. We had our party tonight and again I am sober for another year. One of our friends brought over the biggest bottle of Vodka I had ever seen. They also took it with them when they left. Some people had a lot to drink but it did not bother me. I am to tired to chase it anymore, at least for today. They all know I am program boy.
My boy is ok and with stitches, boys are boys.
7 year old + 9 year old = Children's Hospital. The formula is correct again as I am heading out the door to take the 7 years old in for about 6 stitches. see you tomorrow,
I spent all day painting my sons room as a bottom of the sea theme. I am a perfectionist so painting seeems to take me longer than your avererage joe. He seems very happy on the results so far.
We are getting the house ready for our New Years Eve party. I am doing touch up painting and cleaning. At our party there will be minimal drinking in my house and that is my rules.
Well my sister is at the 12:00 pm drinking a couple beers phase. She is not far from crossing the line into a morning drinker like me. This was the worst message I got this holiday season. I plan on talking to her later today but as we all know there is not much I can do but pray. After I post this I am calling my sponsor.
As 2008 becomes part of the past I am hoping that 2009 will be another stepping stone in my sobriety. All I can do to insure this is to live a day at a time.
The kids seemed happy however we are getting pounded by rain. They were hoping to play outside with their new toys but its a day of video games which is ok. I am tired from staying up late playing Santa and getting up early being a dad.
I went to my office tonight to pick up my 7 year old's bike and two drunk homeless guys were in front of my office door asleep. I stepped over them as they were snoring passed out and unlocked my office. I went into my office picked up the bike came back out and locked the door. I stood over them and the smell of alcohol was strong. I felt sad for them because they were missing so much in life.
I am lucky that I get to spend Christmas in a warm house with people who love me.
This video is so weird. I think there is a need for a new sponsor.
I am at work and I need to need to get home, because the phones are dead. Also I need to do a little Christmas Shopping.
Well I just finished one of the two sites that I am building. I can't believe it is so late. I have been at it for most of the day. Workaholic might be a good description for me. This doesn't apply to everything because in somethings I am a slacker.
I did take breaks today and threw the football with my boys.
We shall see what the waves look like tomorrow, but I am going out with my son. I need to do something with my boys.
Man I hate shopping. I need to go this weekend and get my wife something for Christmas. I am sooo excited.
I am working on a large project in LA and if all goes well I should be OK for next year. I am optimistic about the economy because its out of my control. God knows I would drink over anything good or bad. I remember watching the news and drinking a lot. Now sober I maybe watch it once a week.
I am feeling good today and watching a movie with my oldest boy. How cool is that.
Well I am setting the path or should I say god is setting the path for my new adventure. That is, I am working 2 jobs basically. I am helping to build an environmental company get off the ground and that is where my heart is at now.
Thing are better at home because my wife and I have not fought in the last day or so. She is a New Yorker and I am a Californian so go figure.
The committee is in and I need a meeting. I have been doing everything right I think. So whats the problem then, maybe its HALT.
I went to my meeting tonight and it was cold for Southern California 46 degrees. The common theme was you only have today and boy was it true. There were people at the meeting who just recently lost everything wife, kids and job because of drinking again. It makes me really feel lucky today to be sober.
The battle front with the wife increased today but I finally backed off. I forget that I am a master of pushing peoples buttons. Its old behavior and nothing good comes from pushing peoples buttons.
We went to my sons football party and pretty much everyone was drinking. I was a little pissed because everyone started to get drunk and the egos where flying high. At the end of the night the coach told everyone that there was a DWI check point down the street. Then he gave alternate directions to avoid the checkpoint. OMG...
Tomorrow I have a lot of work to do because I am trying get really organized. Keeping organized helps me keep sober.
We have a neighborhood Christmas party coming up and there are some heavy drinkers that attend. They aren't as heavy as I was, but it makes me uncomfortable. So I will say I and bye to those people at the party.
I am looking forward to the holidays to catch up on my sleep.
My fourth and fifth step are done.. I am just glad I moved beyond these steps. They have been a hard one for me because I could forgive myself and my father.
I am free today of the bondage of alcoholism. But I can screw that up if I decide to take back my control from GOD.
Since I have been out of town all week my wife has elected that today will be the day to put up all the Christmas decorations. So my task is to get down all the boxes and put the outside lights up. I am not to excited about this because I was hoping to kick back today and watch the football games. However it's not all about me today.
Wow I made it through this conference full on drunk bastards and I didn't drink. This is a conference that I attend every year and it is full of hardest drinkers. The economy helped fuel more drinking for these people.
So I guess I am a winner today.
My Sponsor is sick so not doing the deal today and that sucked. I am heading to phoenix in the morning for a 3 day conference and these drinkers are hardcore. So I am just going to try not to drink each day.
I will be ok as a girl on a white horse doesn't coming riding up..
Tomorrow at 4:00pm my 4th and 5th step will be given to my sponsor. I am dreading feeling all this shit again. I have burried all this for so long. I am fearful of being free from the things that eat me daily.
I am still fighting with some 4th step issues and I need to work through them. I just haven't put the stick down and I have 4 years of sobriety. I hope that I can do it soon.
I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I need a few more days however I will be in the grind this week.
I am working on the 4Th step tonight and tomorrow. I need to finish up by tomorrow. I need to make it easier at least with not all these spreadsheets via internet. The best way is to stay with what the big book says and not use all theses internet spreadsheets. It is leading me to frustration.
Mumbai terror attack
Hopefully there is an end to these terror attacks but its doubtful.
Took off early today from work and I am going to hang with the boys and my wife. So that is a good day for me.
Man my head has been hurting lately. Lack of sleep and expectations seem to be running my life. I guess people are not of the same page as me so it gets frustrating.
The boys are doing good and driving to insanity. There constant fighting and name calling is enough to get me back on the bottle. They have been attacking me with wresling, kung fu and street brawl moves lately as some age development thing.
If this all a result of the Mayan calender coming to an end in 2012. What a trip that would the damn Mexicans had the clue all along.
My son's birthday was yesterday and it was a good time. Today one of the kid's fathers that attended the party invited me and my son to the football game tonight. I have to go to my meeting tonight so I said no. My wife is pissed off at me, but I missed last weeks meeting and I cant miss tonight. I guess its my fault.
You know sometimes it feels like your getting it in the ass. My boss made me sign this bullshit contract that screws me out of money. He uses fear tactics to help get what he wants.
Step working I am trying to finish step 4 by the 28th of November.
Holy shit maybe my dog will stay off my neighbors legs. This a great idea for the animals to release stress.
I am doing ok today and thats good. I need laughter it helps me feel better.
I hate clowns so I am not worried about that addiction.
I am feeling better because I talked to several guys in the program. It blows me away how you feel at home when your with people who think and share in addiction. We have all lost everything, someone or even almost our life. That bonds us together.
I went to bible study again tonight and I felt cleansed when I left. It is not your typical because it is made up of cynical alcoholics and a preacher. It is like the misfits looking for god, but he is there and that is cool.
The spiritual part of this program is big and without it I will be drunk. Its the balance of the spirituality + meetings + helping other alcoholics = serenity. I really needed the spiritual part of the equation today.
I ended up not going to the meeting tonight and elected to go to dinner with my family. I don't know if I am burned out or just on my way to the next drink. I am getting tired of the same people and same bullshit stories. I just pray to god that he gives me some direction.
I have been thinking about how it sucks to never be able to drink again. It is when it gets towards the holidays I feel like this. I need to remember that I drank for over 25 years of my life. So now I need to live the rest sober.
My son had his all-star games today and they came in second. I am a lucky man.
Wow I am coming back from a disaster year to a good year. My 4Th quarter sales are boosting me to a good year. I have been praying and working my ass off. In some ways I put myself into this position. I seem to like being on the edge and pushing my to come up with a hell mary pass and I made it this year. I have to try hard not to put myself in this position, because it is bad behavior. Setting myself up for potential failure is not good. I have a family that relies on me.
One more thing on this politics shit, I think we should charge GW Bush rent for using the White House to fuck off in.
Going to a meeting tonight however I am battling the flu..
I guess I am not the only one to have smoked and inhaled. I guess we are in the process of change, however I don"t think GW Bush should get off so lightly. We ought to confiscate his farm as well as all his money. The bitch sold us down the river and as far as the CEO's from the defunct financial institutions a public beheading.
I have been to busy to catch a meeting in a couple of weeks. Life has been crazy and I just didn't fuckin drink. That works for when I am meetingless however it wont last forever so I need to attend my home group meeting tomorrow. That is the plan my man.
I have felt like my life has been moving in all directions. I feel like I am hanging on by rope as my body is being tossed back and forth into buildings. Hell I am trying to fiqure out where I am now.
My meeting today went really well in my partnership of a solar product. I hope to get this job to help launch it. My job is still up in the air so we shall see. I am just keeping one foot in front of the other. I am also praying and stay close to AA.
I am headed for Santa Monica tonight because I have a 8:30 am meeting. I am fighting to get these deals closed so my life will be easier. I will know this week if my job will still be in my hands.
My wife is at a fund raiser for a friend of ours who is dying of stage 4 cancer. She would love to have my problems instead of her inevitable death. I need to start being more grateful on a daily basis. I am a pretty lucky guy.
condometric
I have been really busting my ass to try to get my sales up. The economy has not been helping me however there are still plenty of projects going on. I am hanging on by a thread for my job and the odds are in my favor to make my quota. I have 2 jobs left to get so we will see.
My wife is back to normal so that is good and the boys are good. I am still sober so that is also good. I just need to get some meetings under my belt.
Well the day my wife gets home is day my salary gets cut by a 1/4. My boss is a dick and he will get his down the road. My head has been spinning for the last several days. I got pissed at my sponsor and basically told him to go fuck himself. Of course I called him back several hours later to apologize. Maybe I need a meeting and some decent sleep. Worring about whats going to happen tomorrow is where I am, but that is a bad place for me.
My wife had a great trip to Italy but has been an asshole about the salary cut. So I wish she would go back to Italy.
Well my my wife isn't coming home till tomorrow night and my boss switched our meeting from Tuesday to tomorrow. I am basically fucked. I have some friends helping me I am just praying everything will go smooth.
I have to do an install tomorrow night for my boss so I wont even get to see my wife till Wednesday. I guess that is life. At least I am still sober and clean.
I took a break from doing the dishes and took a quick web break. Pretty cool song and the beat is euro.
2 football games and a soccer game and I am wiped out. This is getting harder to maintain, basically a single parent for 2 weeks. The end is close so I hope to pull through.
My boss the asshole wants to meet with me Monday morning. This sucks since he is flying in from out of town. If he tries to reduce my salary or let me go fuck him. I am tired of working for this alcoholic bitch anyways. He is a egotistical idiot. He has ripped me off for to many years now.
He stands 7½ inches tall, nearly 2 inches in diameter, with a golden color and firm, smooth feel. Made in the USA from the finest TPR rubber, phthalate-free, waterproof, with no batteries required. The Head O State will stand upright and last the whole night through. obama butt plug
I think the George Bush butt plug will sell the most because we will be feeling his fuck ups in our ass for along time.
Anyways I had a good day with the boys and everything went smooth. The house looks very messy so I guess we will clean it tomorrow night.
Well I won the battle of will with my 6 year old son. He ended up a school with out crying. I won this one but tomorrow the challenge begins again. I can feel it in the air.
Fire season is still here and we had a large one about 4 miles from the house today. I will take a photo next time, because I was to tired today. I am running on minimal energy. I dont want to sound like a baby, but this is a bitch.
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