9/11

The Path to 9/11
The Path to 9/11
The Path to 9/11
The Path to 9/11
The Path to 9/11

Technorati Tags: 9/11

Technorati Tags: Path to 9/11

Mexico

I use to always go down to Mexico to get fucked up. There were so many fights I got into, but it always turned out that the federalies could never catch me. I had Mexican friends show me all the ways to hide. We hide in the backs of restaurants. Basically any store that had access to a back door I would use it for hiding. The reason for this photo is because this looks like the bar I would go regularly too drink tequila

GPS

This is really cool and has been a great addition to my phone. I now don't have to fear getting lost.

telenav link

Sex

This is what could happen, if you are thinking of looking for greener pastures. I saw this and thought of Network chic.

lonelygirl15

I have found the real lonelygirl15 and below is her link. She is finally exposed and she is 32 years old. Some people are wack jobs.
Lonely Girl Link

Technorati Tags: lonelygirl15

Search for God

When I was first getting sober I was searching for god everywhere. I had blamed him for my drinking and my life, so therefore the task of finding him was difficult. One day I went up to the abbey and walked, I could feel it was a spiritual place. I sat down and read the step 3 for the hundredth time, however this time was different I felt him by my side. It was a feeling of not being alone. I can still feel his presence most of the time. However sometimes I feel that my god is not there, so I search. Technorati Tags: God

Pogo Stick

This guy is insane, he rocks on the pogo stick.

Technorati Tags: Pogo Stick

BBC NEWS | Health | Children of alcoholics 'damaged'

This is a very good read.

Link to BBC NEWS | Health | Children of alcoholics 'damaged'

Technorati Tags: Children of Alcoholics

Steve Irwin Attack

When I laughed at this video, I knew I had other character defects to work on.

"Steve Irwin link"

Technorati Tags: Steve Irwin

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Elbow on eBay

I am going to sell my elbow on eBay.

posted on HNT

A quarter of Russians have sex and are drunk while driving | The Register

Startling research aimed at determining why Russians are among the worse drivers in Europe has revealed that it can be largely attributed to a penchant for getting their ends away while behind the wheel, Mosnews reports.

Source: A quarter of Russians have sex while driving | The Register

Right Track

I know that I am heading on the right track, because things are getting better. All the things that happened to me in my first year would not have bothered me as much today. Back then I was still in the fog and just fighting to stay sober. I was out there for a long time and it took its toll on my mind and body. I never thought to seek help because I didn't have a problem, so I thought. I was a morning, noon and night drinker and my body was shutting down when I got sober.

My first taste of AA was when I was in rehab, I wanted the program, and I wanted to live. I got a sponsor, a commitment and did 90 meetings in ninety days. I still attend at least two meetings a week. I am working the steps and living as close as I can to a normal life. That is, I am not hiding in the rooms of AA with worldly resentments and fear. Today I am living life on life’s terms.

The Harry Smith Project

Harry Smith's "Anthology of American Folk Music" is the seminal compilation of the genre, inspiring generations of musicians. Now, some of the contemporary artists who have drawn from Harry's well have contributed to "The Harry Smith Project: Anthology of American Folk Music Revisited," a 2-CD/2-DVD collection of performances and documentary. The roster includes the likes of Beck, Wilco, Steve Earle, Richard Thompson, Beth Orton, Lou Reed, and Nick Cave.

How 9/11 affected the climate

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Kickass video and very informative on the effects of contrails.

Rose Colored Glasses

I use to see myself as a god full of ego, however today I stayed home and cleaned the house while my wife took my youngest son to the beach. The other two boys stayed home with me and played video games for awhile. They finally wanted to go outside and throw the baseball, I was in heaven. I have never pushed my boys in sports, so the chance to work with them made my day. I would love for them to play baseball since that is my sport of choice. We threw the ball for hours and now the pain is rolling in on my arm. I have had two surgeries and hundreds of cortisone shots in my arm. I need another surgery pretty bad, so I am hoping to schedule the operation around the end of the year. The last surgery I was good for about 7 years, with out too much pain, so I am hoping for a little longer on this surgery. Any ways, I had a killer time today and I am sober. It doesn't get much better than that.

Just One Drink

We where at out neighbors house for a cook out/pool party.  The kids were having fun swimming and playing baseball. There were a few people drinking beer and mixed drinks. I don't let the people who drink around me bother me anymore. I use to hold resentments towards the friends who would drink around me, basically cutting relationships off. This just seemed to make things uncomfortable for my wife and kids. Any ways, the time was getting closer to when I had to go to my meeting. I was going back and forth about leaving, because I always leave on Sunday and go to the meeting. I knew my wife would be happy if I stayed, so that's what I decided.  I am glad I did because I had a really fun time. It also gave me a chance to heal some broken bonds I made after I got sober.

The kicker was that I went to the cooler to get a soda. The only thing left was 6 Pacifico's and I laughed because that wouldn't be enough for me. If I do pick up a drink it won't be just one.

Sunset

We had another rad sunset tonight, and had a fun day. There where a total of 10 kids over today playing or just hanging out. They always love to come over to our house because it is zoned for kids. They were running around and just being kids, utter chaos.

I always liked the chaos and action flowing around me. I grew up in a big family and people were always coming and going. I think the chaos had a big part in my sobriety. Because I could not stay isolated for long and the boys drained all my thinking energy. Life is good today and I am sober.

Labor Day Weekend

Every holiday weekend we get an influx of people to our meeting. They usually stay around for a couple meetings then they are gone, back in denial. This is a good time for service work, telling them they don't have to live that way anymore, and there is a better way. It also helps me seeing these fresh faces, they help me remember my last few weeks of drinking.
We are just kicking it this weekend and staying local. We will probably go to the beach, cook out and maybe go hiking. Have a good weekend.

In my hands

I always thought that I had people in the palm of my hands. It made me feel powerful and my ego was well fed. It was only till one day I look in my hands and found that there was no one there, I was alone.

CAT DOG

For The Clueless
"CatDog A cat on one end, and a dog on the other--what do you call it? CatDog, of course! Cat and Dog have been sharing quarters (hind quarters, that is) since they were born, which hasn't been easy since they're as different as well, cats and dogs. nick.com
Check out Kat Doug on HNT

Stop Smoking

Man this is the next addiction on my list. I have about enough time now to start going after the idea of not smoking. I am a creature of habit, so I am sure it will be hard. I plan on stocking up on David's sunflower seeds. I am debating on the patch, gum, pill, or just cold turkey.

Do The Steps

This is what happens if you don't do the steps.
Click Link

Spirituality Unease

I have a feeling of spiritiual unease. I have been trying really hard to understand why. It is probably because I feel like I have a cold.

My Youngest Son

I finally understand soccer. I never played the sport. I always played football and baseball.

Soccer Saturday

Just 2 soccer games today, yeahh. Its fun watching the kids run around having fun. I which they would have the same excitement while cleaning their rooms.

Home Depot

Slo Mo Depot would have tripped my ass off.

Bitch

Love

 

I saw this photo and imediatley could identify with the photo. It was the way my life use to be or could be tomorrow. The people who I started out loving were slowly being replaced. What I did for my addiction I have yet to do for anyone else. I am glad as of today I haven't, because I am sure the next time I will die.

Beetle Juice

The agriculture department has placed a lot of Japanese beetle traps around my office. The beetle is a shinny green large bug about the size of a small avocado. The beetle in flight is a formidable opponent. I make the kids come inside when I see one flying around. The beetle has been known to fly off with small children. posted on hnt

FUNK

I am just in that funking kind of mood today. Part of it has been from waiting for my new Chicago Bears hat and it came. All the excitement is gone, do you know the feeling? It is the whole self bullshit thing going on now. I have to put self on a shelf for awhile. The other part of the funk is the whole fear of the future, the Job.

IPOD

The IPOD can do about anything including a low voltage vibrator.

Russian Archive

During the days of Stalin, they posted a lot of warnings about the dangers of alcohol.

Sony Transparent TV » BlogIsEverything.com - Blog that speaks everything

This tv is for real.  I would probably run into it all the time.

Link to Sony Transparent TV » BlogIsEverything.com - Blog that speaks everything

Public Pee

When I was drinking I would urinate anywhere. Who was watching didn't really matter, maybe except for a cop.

Windows Live Writer

 This isn't so great Trudge, because it cant upload pictures.

Link to Coffee Bitch

Drunk?

Today I don't have to look like these idiots.

Job

For what I am being paid now, I might as well be delivering pigs. I am part owner of the company (10%) and the whole scope of our business is a blur. My boss is a drinking alcoholic/user and I am living his fucked up decisions. Where is the person that needs to wave the magic wand?

Store

Tonight my wife asked me to go to the store for her. As I was making the list I remembered when alcohol was the only thing on my list. I would end up going several times to the store to get items I forgot. It worked out because I would buy more alcohol each time just in case it was the alcohol I forgot.

The Bottom

I heard the bottom talked about many times. For me, I had nothing left physically or emotionally. I had been knock off my feet before, however this time I wasn’t getting up.

Youth Soccer

What a trip it was today the following are the game times,9:00am, 10:00am, 2:30 pm. We are wiped out and I am going to bed. My boys are the ones on the right of each photo. Coffee Bitch

Mi Casa

Damn,I am glad to be home. The kids were excited to see me. I started bringing them back little presents each time I travel. I know its not probably the best idea but I miss them when I am gone. We have three soccer games tomorrow, therefore it's going to a long day.
My laptop is fixed and I am one happy dude. I have missed commenting on blogs and posting with photo's. I missed most of all a email from my buddy mary c about going to a meeting. We are going to a meeting next trip (soon).

Airport to Home

I went to a meeting last night at a detox center. There were about six of us at the meeting. I was sober the longest so I helped lead the meeting with another guy. Everyone shared from the heart. I shared my story and talked about how I didn't have to live that way anymore and how my life is so much better.I spokeof hope and the promises. It was one of the best meetings I have attended. Blackberry rocks.

Denver lapless

My laptop is not working, so I left it at home. I am in Denver on business for a couple days. A Dell service guy is coming to my house to replace the lcd. I feel lost without my laptop. Thanks to my workhorse Blackberry I can post. The only problem is commenting on blogs it takes so long. I hope to check out a meeting tonight on york street.

Anniversary

My wife and I have been married for 13 years today. We have made it through some pretty tough times. However she is a strong woman and a person I admire.

Alone Time

The wallet was found with all the money and the credit cards. There are honest people in the world.
Man, do I need some alone time, because it feels like the world is closing in on me. The job is getting really stressful, because I am wearing too many hats. The soccer practices for three boys are 1 1/2 to 2 hours. The house is messy, because the kids are leaving shit everywhere and the dog basically fucked up the back yard. But all these are quality problems today. yikes...

Travel Plans

So making any final vacation plans? I would leave the following travel destinations off your list. The top most dangerous places to travel.

Soccer-ramma

I got in Friday night and the kids were going nuts and the house was a disaster. I was only gone 3 days what happened. I felt like jumping back in my car and going to a hotel. When the kids finally realized I was home they asked for their presents (bad habit), and of course they didn't like them. Also I bought my wife some new funky clothes, but the clothes were the wrong size. After 10 minutes of trying to figure out what went wrong, I realize my wallet was not in my pocket. Yes my wallet was lost somewhere between the airport and home. I basically had a meltdown.
Saturday morning was a great; I was awakened by 3 boys jumping on me. I swear I feel like they are killing me. I made them breakfast and we got ready for 3 soccer games. The schedules were 2 at 11:00 am and 1 at 2:00 pm. My wife took my youngest son to his game and I took my 7 year old to his game. My oldest son came with me, which made me feel good since I had been out of town. My youngest son scored 4 goals out of 7 attempts (3 hit the cross bar). My 7 year old had 2 goals. My oldest played the whole game and didn't score. They all played their best today regardless of the goals and for that I am grateful. If I can just do my best for today, chances are the day will turn out good.

SJC Airport

I was really surprised how easy it was to get through security at the airport. Granted San Jose airport is not a large airport, but it is usually a fucking mess.The security was tighter which made me feel at ease. I hate waiting at airports, because I would always drink a lot. It was a way of making my fear of flying go away. I am sober now and I still don't like flying, but today it's not a big enough fear for me to drink.

Dinner and Meeting

This was the perfect sober life: I had dinner at a French restaurant. I ordered seared sea bass with artichokes, rice and a nice orange French sauce on top. After finishing this nice dinner, I rode a city bus to go to a meeting. We rode six blocks and I got off of the bus. The meeting was 50 feet away and I was impressed. The meeting was about the 5th and 6th step and I shared how the results of my character defects were reasons why I drank. I talked with a few people afterwards and missed my bus. I called a friend in AA and talked with him while I walked back to the hotel. There were lots of bars with people laughing, but I knew I could be one of them. I saw the Presidio and within a few blocks I was back at my hotel sober.

Golden Gate

I went over the Golden Gate Bridge this morning and the fog was just starting break. I felt something spiritual while driving over. I saw the beauty of the fog rolling over the top the bridge with the Muir Woods in the distance. I use to drive drunk over The Golden Gate and saw only the white lines. Today I am happy to be sober because the world around me is a colorful place. posted on HNT

San Francisco

Tomorrow, I am heading for business meetings in San Francisco. I love it there because of the food, the fog, and the utter beauty. There isn't a city that compares. There are a lot of cool recovery places with a lot of history. There is one meeting I really like and I hope to attend. It was purchased over 50 years ago by a priest. It provides housing, meals and recovery for 10 men who commit to stay sober for 9 months. It gives them a chance to find a job and get back on their feet. There is no cost, so they can save nine months worth of paychecks. The success rate is extremely high.

Mother Jesus

I have been renting an office behind a church. The space had been vacant for awhile, so it was good for me and the church. There have been recent changes in the church. I am now getting toss from my office space, because I don't subscribe to mother jesus. What do you think of mother jesus?

War

"There is no beauty in war" a Soldier in Iraq

"Never think that war, no matter how necessary. nor how justified, is not a crime" _ Ernest Hemmingway

Morning Drinker

I always felt when I woke in the morning that I needed a drink. I just couldn't make it with out at least a couple drinks. After I had the alcohol in my system everything felt ok. I would take a shower and get ready for work. This ritual lasted for awhile until one day I could not pour the drink. My hands just didn't work, because they were shaking to hard. I stumbled inside and lied upon the bed sweating and shaking violently. I was rushed to the hospital and ended up in detox. I don't have the ability to stay sober on my own.

Talladega Nights

I saw the movie with my oldest son last night. I thought the movie was pretty funny and on the mark of race fans. Ricky Bobby reminds me of a uncle I have that still races to this day on the short dirt tracks of the south. He acts just like Ricky Bobby, very scary. There were a few off color remarks, however overall the movie was a rental.
After the movie Jackson and I went to the cold stone ice cream store. We had fun eating ice cream and watching the people walk by. We had a great time together.

Can You Relate ?

Hiding

I use to always sneak around to get high or have a drink. I had coolers buried in the ground that I use to fill with beer and ice. I glued 1" of dirt to the cooler tops and they were never found. I use to build hidden storage areas in the walls for my drugs. I used a big gulp cup filled with crown royal to drink at my kids games. etc, etc. I keep memories like those in forefront of my thoughts.

12 Steps

Mr. Toe

Mr. Toe has gained some weight from too much activity. posted on HNT

Good Day

I just had a good day today for whatever reason. Things weren't going my way, however it didn't f*#cking matter. I took my oldest son shopping for new cleats, a size 5 ball and shin guards. We had fun, I love making him laugh. Giving laughter is one of my assets. I took him to practice then headed home to pick up my other two boys for their soccer practice. Thank god all my kids had practice in the same general area. I watched each by walking back and forth to the 3 fields. I am just a happy sober man.

Step Work

Tonight I have been doing a little step work. It seems like it doesn't take long to hit a vein of pain. The steps have been one of those unfinished tasks. I really believe that some need to rush through the steps while others need time to heal a little.

Invisable

When I drank and used I was never there for my family. I use to be passed out or a half functioning shell of a man. I was looking through photos and videos of the birthdays, Christmas and other events; in all the photos I had an effortless smile and a blank look. I don’t have to live that way anymore as long as I have God and the program of alcoholic’s anonymous.