old turf

This is the place I use to always drink at in San Francisco. It was a chance for me to bond with my drunk irish brothers. They would always serve me as much as I wanted and I stayed at the hilton across the street. I was pretty much set in those days. Now I stay close to a AA meeting, how ironic.

I talked to the NY company who is handling the job interview I was in last week. They said I blew all the other people out of the water. However there are still several more to interview. I feel like they are lying to me, but I am my own worst enemy. I am still working on trying to love myself. thanks trudge.

san fran

I have to go to san fran tomorrow. The trip is only a couple days. I have been really tired lately. I think I need to slow it down a little. I just keep putting more and more on my plate. see ya.

fun times

My wife went to the beach at 8:00 am yesterday to hold the fire pit for the birthday party. I relieved her at 10;30 am with my oldest son. We had to sit there all day, other wise you lose the fire pit to someone else. There are 6 fire pits at this particular beach. The party was a 5:00pm so my day with my oldest son was going to be long. Since we couldn't leave and we were getting hungry and being a resourceful alcoholic I had a local pizza company deliver the pizza to us at the beach. My son was impressed, while other beach people looked on in awe. We talked and laughed all day and we bonded. This was the longest time we ever spent together alone. I felt happy when we drove home last night and decided I will start spending alone time with each one of my boys

beach

My son is having his birthday tomorrow at the beach. The party starts at 5pm and we are having a bonfire in a fire pit at the beach. There will be hot dogs, chips, roasted marshmallows and no alcohol or drugs. Since I have been sober I have noticed god is alive inside of me.

wife gone

My wife is up in Orange County for a meeting. She is going to be there till late tonight. I just finished feeding the boys hot dogs with a side dish of macaroni and cheese. I fired up the grill for my world famous hot dogs and they turned out great. The boys ate them up, which makes me happy. I am going to get them to bed early, hopefully. (photo not my wife, but close) she would kick my ass if I posted her photo.

the wall

The wall in my life keeps a lot of potential friends out. I personally don't like people in general, but I am tolerable to most. I think this anti-social behavior came from my many years of drinking alone. I didn't like people coming over because they would always ask for a beer and they were mine. I use to keep beers in coolers all over the place and well hidden. I still have trouble sharing things and it is like a three year old not wanting to share his or her toys.

post interview

well, I don't know how to tell a good interview from a bad one. I think I did alright but it wasn't my best. He blasted me with all those bullshit interview 101 questions and I held my ground because of the alcoholic spin. We are good at thinking on our feet and being able to spin something into a completely different meaning. This guy was either confused or impressed. I think this guy is over his head a little bit by the way he acted and he is definitely a ego freak. Yuk.. They are suppose to get back with me tomorrow.

interview

I have a interview tomorrow at 4:00pm in santa monica. I am sort of nervous about the whole deal. I am still a person who doesn't like change regardless of the pain. I am just trying to think of this as nothing more than a simple sales call. My wife said I shouldn't act like myself because I am a asshole sometimes. I get nervous when I don't act myself and I am usually an asshole to people with egos. I am not sure if this guy has one, but I sure hope not. I hate the whole idea of trying to impress someone I don't even know. I have just prayed and put it into gods hands for now.

second life

second life is a ripoff. I received $400.00 + bill last month. I stopped using the product because second life is filled with sins of the flesh and that was at the end of February. It has more nasty crap on it from topless dancers to S&M Fetishes to child porn. The child porn blew me away and it's even next to IBM. Yikes, so is IBM sponsoring children's pornography? All I know is second life should change it's name to last life. Because the product is on it's last life..

Flash 12 steps click

happy easter

Don't drink..Eat the candy

the 12 steps Flash click

12 steps

Check out the 12 steps done the coffee bitch way. please click

pat's/rubby's dry rub

Dry rub BBQ You can adjust the proportions of spices in this all-purpose rub or add or subtract a spice, as you wish. For instance, if you don't like spicy food, reduce the cayenne. Or, if you are using hot chili powder, eliminate the cayenne entirely. This rub works well with ribs and brisket as well as with Boston butt for pulled pork.

4 tablespoons sweet paprika

2 tablespoons chili powder

2 tablespoons ground cumin

2 tablespoons salt

1 tablespoon dried oregano

1 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon ground black pepper

1 tablespoon ground white pepper

1-2 teaspoons cayenne pepper

Mix all of the ingredients together in a small bowl.

good eating, Pigman Pat

feeling small

I feel like I am being swept away at my job. I need to start standing up for myself. It is hard for me to ask for more money and I don't know why.

god tube

Man, I felt pretty good after watching that video. It's a good beta so check it out.

I am tired today, because I was at one of our plants all day with clients. Damn being nice wears me out. I am so sick of smiling today and acting like everything is ok. yeehaa..

some things stayed locked

After I did my unorthodox 4th step, there were a few items left unturned. I am going to redo the 4th step again with my sponsor. It is hard to forgive myself for some of the things I have done.

liar

As an alcoholic the first word that pops out of my mouth is a lie. Actually I am not an alcoholic I have been lying to you guys. See that was a lie, its just natural for a person like me. I use to lie to cover my tracks and to protect my beloved alcohol and pills. I even got to a point of believing my own lies. The difference now is that I got honest with god and myself. Once I start to lie to myself again, I will be dead.

blow out

Today while traveling 75-80 mph up to los angeles I ran over a trailer hitch. I thought my little suv was going to flip. I ended up stepping on the brakes after my tire blew out. I was getting off the shoulder when smaaash the cars rear ended each other. Everyone was ok, but two of the cars where totaled. Chp showed up and said it wasn't my fault. Wow that was a first, it wasn't my fault? so I began to laugh. I laugh when I think I am going to cry.

carried away

Carried away
Uploaded by nicop

some days I would liked to be carried away in a bubble and when I fall there would be some puppet looking chick to save me

streets

I always make a effort to give to people who are on the streets. God knows that I am only one drink away from being there myself.

I went to my meeting last night and it sucked, because I have been sitting in between a couple of nut cases. They ruin the meeting for me, because they are in left field. I am moving my seat next week further back.

beach

We are off to the beach today, but first I need to take the boys to practice baseball. I have been working on their mechanics because they asked. When I was a kid it was no choice. I ended up playing in high school and as a freshman in college. However my arm after multiple surgeries was gone. I still can throw, but I need another surgery so I throw with some pain. I deal with the pain, because I am a alcoholic and my whole life was pain.