Head Spin

I needed a meeting bad my head was spinning. I gave the little man more power today and it kicked my ass. He knows when I give it to him and he uses it against me. My wife called and I got pissed off because she didn't understand what I was trying to tell her. There I was on the pity pot and accomplishing nothing, I became worthless. The more I tried to gather my thoughts the more fear I felt. That's the worst when the fear has a handle on you. I went outside and sat down and let god have what I couldn't control. That's part of it of the deal with me control. I know its not suppose to be in my hands, but it is just so hard giving the controls away. I called another alcoholic to tell him what my deal was and he asked if I was sober and I said yes. I felt a release of all the things that were bothering me. I felt a strange but comfortable calmness fill my body. I keep those last weeks and years in the front row seats of my mind.