Mental Damage

I am trying to figure out how much mental damage I have done to my brain cells. My will to be aggresive in business has diminished. My memory has come back but not to a satisfactory level. How did I do it while drinking? I know I had to be doing somthing right because my sales were up. The other thing could be I started the down fall while drinking and now I am paying for it. These are questions. I ask others in the program and I get the same answer your right where your supose to bé and look how far you have come. I wonder if this is my lack of gratitude or my meager effort to find myself.