Office

One of the many major things that changed after a year in sobriety was my office. I really have been doing my best to keep organized. I have learned the more stress and fear your can confront and deflate in your life the odds of that next drink decrease. When I was drinking the fear of not finding the bid or important document was a everyday occurrence. I would stress out about having a messy office, however I couldn't find the time to clean the office. I was to busy planning what time I was going to start drinking or when I should buy the next 12 pack.

Emptiness

After 28 days, everything has been rocky since walking out McDonald's rehab in patient program. My wife had began to prepare she had the legal papers in her hand when she picked my up. Its is still a complete mess, and any thought of it getting better is almost gone. Things feel like we are growing apart and its killing me in side. We have been struggling in our marriage trying to deal with but today we have no resolution. 3 young boys an alcoholic and a big dog may be to much.

Get Things Done

So how does GTD work? This is a really summarized version, but here it is, PowerPoint-style: 1) identify all the stuff in your life that isn’t in the right place (close all open loops) 2) get rid of the stuff that isn’t yours or you don’t need right now create a right place that you trust and that supports your working style and values put your stuff in the right place, consistently 3) do your stuff in a way that honors your time, your energy, and the context of any given moment 4)iterate and refactor mercilessly So, basically, you make your stuff into real, actionable items or things you can just get rid of. Everything you keep has a clear reason for being in your life at any given moment—both now and well into the future. This gives you an amazing kind of confidence that a) nothing gets lost and b) you always understand what’s on or off your plate. Get Things Done

The Weight

Sometimes the weight of life gets fuckin heavy. I am going fuckin crazy with three boys, I truly believe I am going in sane. Self will, sorry no time for that I being pulled in four different directions. Some times they are good little boys and with in seconds they turn in to demons. My wife is has more patience than me. She goes to the gym and her martial arts class (black belt). I need to find some outlet, because I feel unbalanced in life. Maybe I will get back to surfing and playing golf. I feel like my program is fairly strong, but I am missing time for myself. I have always felt guilty to have my time, because most of my life has been my time. However to truly be balanced you need that personal time.

Going Japanese

The Japanese are a little sick when it comes to sex. Blow up dolls for the most part are a joke. The amputee doll is crossing the line a little bit.

Life as a Norbie

I have coined "Norbie" as the name for someone who is Normal. I hate the word Normee is sounds to degenerate. Any ways I wonder what it would be like to be a Norbie. I could go today to a bar and have half a beer and leave. I wouldn't being sitting around worry about who was going to drink the half of beer or if the asshole bartender was going to throw it away or did I leave a napkin on top so the bugs won't fly in it or did I leave it to close to the edge of the bar so someone could knock it over or is the temperture of the beer getting to warm or would it taste to watered down to add an ice cube or will it still be there when I get back, where are my fuckin keys. I guess I will never know what it would be like to be a norbie.

WALL

There is a guy out here soon to be running for Governor and his name is Pete Chola. He has proposed an idea that will make the liberals and right wing Christian fundamentalists wet their pants. There are roughly 5.5 million people in the USA who are here illegally. Suppose for $2,000.00 a person could get a social security # and citizenship. Students can get an extended green card for $2,000.00 and all would be screened for terrorists, murders etc. Now there is roughly 10 billion dollars. We now take that money and build a wall on our borders. We employ the new citizens to help build the wall at a fair wage. They learn a new trade and we secure our borders. PLEASE VOICE YOUR OPINION

Sick

I am glad I don't get sick throwing up any more since being sober. I always would throw up in the morning trying to get that 1st drink down and after that I was usually fine. Doing that on a daily basis seemed ok for me, because I would never dare try to just stop. It was just a way of life for me. Now instead of trying to get that 1st drink down I try to pray. I pray to god to thank him for keeping me sober.

Natures Surprise

Sometimes nature can surprise us on whom really is the biggest. posted on HNT

Elvis Alchey

This guy is so fucked up looking. It looks like he is not only elvis, but spiderman as well. I use to take a leak in public, however as I remember I wasn't trying to draw attention. Man I am glad to be sober.

Resistor Bugs

Do you know what is going on inside your computer?

Viva Immigration Law

There were protestors all over the place by my office. They were protesting the new proposed immigration laws. I believe in the right to protest, however the problem of taxpayer money subsidizing their healthcare is a problem. The hospitals out here are going out of business by treating all the illegals. They have closed the prenatal care unit at the hospital down the street from me. Our crime rate has increased and a good portion of the crimes are from illegals. There are a lot of good people who are illegal’s but with all the good there are drugs runners, gangs and murders. We have to tighten the borders and nothing seems to work, so I am game for anything new.

Fear

Today I am just a few steps ahead of my next drink. The only reason I am ahead a few steps is because of God and AA. I know what will happen if I slip and that is what I fear today. Part of me know knows that I have a lot of drinks to make up for by being sober for over 1 ½ years. Therefore if I do slip it will be like a child in a candy store with no parent around to stop him. I need to fear that next drink, because I have built back my relationships with my wife and kids and I don’t think they have it left in them to forgive again. Nor do I have the ability to forgive myself again.

Better Blowing

Did you ever blow your nose and miss your handkerchief? Of course, we all have! With a Nose Pouch you won't miss! It won't leak or tear. It will always work! It will prevent the spread of discharge & germs from going beyond the cloth and landing on your shirt, your hand or your term paper. In fact... the Nose Pouch will prevent Dishonorable Discharge, Forever! How does it work? Place your nose against the top of the pouch and blow!

Lost Bid

Man I could have used a drink today. I lost a 1,000,000.00 dollar project. It wasn't my fault and if it was I would own up to it. I never would admit anything was my fault when I was drinking. Actually in my head I was pretty much fault free. However my boss screwed it up and even admitted it was his fault. I really needed this one to keep him off my ass. I prayed to god and asked him for guidance and to help me stay sober today. I know this will pass and another project will come my way. This I believe is called faith. Faith in a god who will help me through guidance to support my family. Today I have the faith instead of fate.

Dumb Ass

I use to do a lot of dumb ass things when I was drinking to get attention. Today, thank god I don't have to do those things.

Raking Leaves

As a child, I always loved to play in a pile of leaves.

Great AD

I Want One

Recessed into a urinal is a pressure-sensitive display screen. When the guest uses it, he triggers an interactive game, producing images and sound. The reduced size of the “target” improves restroom hygiene and saves on cleanings costs (like the “fly in the urinal” at Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport). It also makes a trip to the urinal “fun and games” – more than just a necessary nuisance http://www.yankodesign.com/product_info.php?products_id=866

What Would Bill Do?

If in your meeting there was a person whom committed a crime of child molested. This crime with Megans Law is public record and published via the internet. If in the group some one shares this information this others on a personal level is this breaking the persons anonymity or did the person by committing that crime break his own anonymity? What should be done in a group? Kick out the person or is it that persons responsibility to get up in front of the group to state his or her case? This brings out all the alcologians in the group quoting Bill W. And Dr. Bob. These people are idiots and every group has them. Things like this can divide a group and cause deep resentments and drive us away from the main purpose, which is that we all are trying to stay sober. I have three boys and if I saw someone around my house that committed such a heinous act, I would put a bullet in their head.

Alcoholic Pacman

The dashes are the addiction and the ghosts are the ones we love

I FUC

Leave it to someones sick imagination to come up with this one

Work..Work...

I have been doing preventing presentations all week and my last one is tomorrow. Next week I won't have any, thank god. I have to get out and speak in front of architects and explain our products and answers all their questions. Most of the time they ask stupid questions with stupid looks on their face. I try my best not to start laughing. The good thing is I have a lot of friends that have moved up to partners or firm owners, which makes my job easier. I miss being able to blog this week it has really helped in my sobriety. It like having a writeboard for your journal. I feel better writing my thoughts down and knowing I am not alone. I also like to see how others are doing and experience their strengths hopes and joys. It helps keep me from isolating and what the hell am I doing I sound like this should be a blogger promo. However it is all true. Finally it amazes me how many people play a part in a persons sobriety. Thank God,

Happy St. Patrick's Day Again

She could kick my ass

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Take this short QUIZ I thought it was interesting since I am 1/2 Irish. No green beer for me today.

Resentment List

Age

I wonder how I am going to be when I get old. I am at the middle stage of life or is that thirty. What ever, I just hope that I have near the energy the old man in the picture has got. As long as I stay sober tonight I will have a better chance of living longer and chasing old chicks.

My Office

Knife Toss

Some days this what my life feels like at work. My boss is the knife thrower and again I am on the fucking spinning wheel. The more I stay out of my head the further the knifes end up. However when I give him the power I can feel the knives going right through me. These are the times I pray to god and ask him to help me take the power back from him.

Fukmi

Schedule

For me in the 1st year a schedule with minimal change was important to me. It was also important that my wife knew where I was going and around what time I would be back. It keep me committed and busy in a period where to much free time was a dangerous thing. I stayed out of my head and just showed up and did what I was suppose to do, whether it was greeting people at the door, making coffee or cleaning up after a meeting. I pick up the phone list a began trusting others again. I focused on the tasks around me, not what the tasks where in my head. I tried to hold resentments to a low level by staying on my side of the street as much as I could. I would look at my shoes when I felt like fighting or getting in a argument with my wife. I would bring her flowers once in a while, asking for nothing in return. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days and a 52 week aftercare program offered by my rehab. It was the first time in my non-conformist life that I allowed anyone to direct me without any questioning. He has guided me to a life for which I could never pay back and as well the lives of my sons and wife. See, this group called Alcoholics anonymous has many miracles thru god on a daily basis. For I am one just today, thanks to my sponsor and god.

Nightmares

Now that I am sober, my boys nightmares aren't so bad...

Lost

Looking back almost all of my life was drinking or using. I was 13 years old and was dealing drugs. This opportunity came to me thru a guy who liked my older sister. I use to break up pounds of pot in my bedroom for distribution. I used the money to support my habit and to buy food for my brothers and sisters. We didn't have food, because my dad wouldn't give us the money to buy food. My mom was always gone when we were kids. She use to spend most of her day and night looking for my drunk father. We lived in very nice home and basically were considered well off. The problem was that was all a front my my fathers alcoholic ego. I then began drinking and that went on through high school and college. Passing out in yards parks and sporting events. I then began my quest of serious drinking, that's is when alcohol becomes your life and your god. You would protect it with lies, theft, and even death. The wreckage begins to pile up as though you lived in a massive junk yard. For me my life was unraveling at a fast past even if it was years. My family members only watched as they saw their husband, and brother dying in front of them. They could do nothing. I have been sober almost two years now. My life has never been better. I love my wife and kids and my brother and sisters and my mom. Every day I become stronger mentally and physically. It takes a while to regain your faculties after years of abuse. I owe my sobriety to God and AA.

NEW SKIN

Sometimes it is hard getting use to your "NEW SKIN" HNT Posted

Still Working the 4th

I have been on and working on the 4th, by writing and ripping up. I don't want to feel pain anymore, because I am just tired. I want to deal with it sometimes but other times it feels like its to much. I might be a little dramatic, but aren't we all. The main reason I am working on it faster is that I don't want to feel uncomfortable like I did in Florida. We are thrown in situations sometimes that are dangerous to our sobriety. In these cases you have to reach deep into your pockets to pull out any tokens we might have in order to stay sober. Without doing the steps and attending meetings their are no tokens you can use. Being totally defenseless against the next drink is not where I want to be.

Mental Slump

I am in some kind of emotional time warp and the whole thing is driving me nuts. It seems like the focus keeps slipping away from my business and on to other things that have no financial value. Look, my wife stays at home and we have a nice house that's all good. The problem is the almighty dollar and it's just a necessity without any redeeming values. The whole stay at home trip is bullshit. It would be nice if she would hurry up and start writhing her book she has been promising. The fact is I am getting tired of working my ass off while she is at the gym. It just seems to me that something is wrong with this picture. Whatever back to work....

Who is the Alcoholic/Addict

They all are...

Killed in Action

We had a couple more Marines in our neighborhood die in Iraq.

The bar urinal

I used to always have to take a piss when I was drinking and it didn't matter where. Once I was in my back yard and took a leak. My neighbor saw me, screamed and ran into her house. I just yelled fuck you and her husband didn't bother to come outside to get into a fight with a drunk. After the first month of being sober my kids would be outside and pull down there pants a take leak. I was shocked but they learned it from me. I am sober now and don't do what ever I want, therefore taking a leak in my yard in broad daylight is a thing of the past for me and my boys. I would have been able to drink more using this urinal right at the bar. The problem making sure your hitting the center or just the urinal.

Drinking Problem?

This is one way to make sure you don't run out.

Step Study

We were on step 5 tonight and we read from the twelve and twelve book. What struck hard is when it talked about those who do not finish the fifth are doomed to drink. Wow, when my grandmother died and I went to Florida, I felt like I was holding on to a thread of sobriety. I prayed and used the phone to help give me the strength and really wished hard I had finished my fifth. It was only till I was caught off guard by her death that for the first time I felt unprepared. I have always been prepared when I travel, a way out and a list of meetings. I had half ass way out plan and a list of meeting with out days and times. I struggled with the issues with my Dad and I was in danger for the first time of my sobriety. I realized if I don't finish the 4th and 5th my sobriety will be lost. I talked with my sponsor and we and he agreed it was now time to move on with the program.

Sales

I swear this feel like me today. I don't know what is wrong put I just can't get focused today. I truly feel like I am running my head into the wall. I have a ton of work and some how I can't get it together. I just need to try to keep my head in the ballgame and I am sure like everything else it to will pass. I Feel like a vacation is needed , however I don't have the funds this month. I am getting depressed reading this so I need to get back to work.

Florida

Everything turned out fine at the funeral. They had even asked me to do a reading. I got up and read what was given to me and it wasn't a problem. All my aunts and uncles told me how proud they were of me. I felt like saying for what, I did think they knew how much I drink. I always remembered being nice around them and not causing any problems. I guess I was wrong or I just don't remember. My father showed up in the end seat of the last aisle. I saw him and just about dropped the casket. I got out quick to my rental car and took off around the block. I waited there until the funeral procession was leaving the church and dunked into the line without him seeing. He didn’t come to the cemetery which was fine with me. The rest of my family had dinner at my brothers house and we all hung out talking. It's was really great seeing my family and being able to avoid my dad. I still am worn out from all the stress of flying and having my emotions on a rollercoaster drive. I'm just glad to be home and with my boys.

Methlab for My Kids?

I was at my grandmothers rossary today and the casket was open. She wasn't the same, her hands were flat. I felt like I was going to fall down. I went to get some water and never looked at her again. It was hot and I was uncomfortable, however I stayed next to my mom through out the service. I really just freaked out by the whole thing. I have to be a pahl barrier tomorrow and we will see how it goes.

Grandmother Died

My grandmother pasted away yesterday in Florida. I have to fly there tomorrow morning, because the rosary is Sunday and the funeral is Monday. She was a strong woman with a sense of humor. When I was bad as a kid she use to chase me around and pull my hair. I thought she was strict, but her actions where only out of love. She was always was available for me to shoot the shit. She was a godly kind woman and I will miss her. When she died my mother held her hand and as she gasped her last breaths my mom knew she died in peace. My mom told me that it was a wonderful gift from god that she was able to be present and that she knows my grandmother is now with god.

Kermit on Crystal

My wife almost killed me when I cut this down a month ago and now its back but larger.

Powered by Castpost

I'm Ok

I have been working my ass off at my job. I wanted to post so bad but I was knee deep in contracts. I had to fly to Detroit to meet with the architects and contractors and I had to make sure I knew all aspects of the job. I had two projects similar in scope waiting for me at home. These are all large bids and one screw up will cost us the contract. I have thought about drinking more than usual, and its because of the uncertainty and the pressure. I use to work on the contracts drunk and some how pulled it off or someone would bail me out. No ones around any more to bail me out and somehow that is a scary feeling. I have been praying a lot more than usual and by doing so I can feel my spirituality growing. I really believe if I removed the god out of my life I would be on the streets in a week. I have been going to church every Sunday with my family. They like the church we are going to, but I really want something different. More spiritual and in Latin with incense. Well for now I will go to their church, because this is a time in life when I need to take the I out of what others want. Thanks to the people who were concerned.

Your Time

I am doing ok, however my grandmother is predicted to be in a coma in the next 24 hours do to her deteriorating state. She is 91 years old and had a good life. I spoke with her over the phone and she has fully prepared herself for god. It is almost like she is having these visions of the after life and she even told me that she will come to see me soon. I told her that would be cool. My grandmother is a funny old lady with a good sense of humor. When I was drinking I use to call her a lot and make her laugh. I know she knew I was drunk during those conversations, however she was laughing instead of crying. I know it hurt her seeing her grandson dying in front of her and she was helpless. I stopped calling her while I have been sober because I feel ashamed of all the time I have wasted. I really believe she wanted the best for and is happy that I am sober.

Detroit

I just got back from my meeting in Detroit. The meeting was a success because I was prepared. I have learned its not all about me. The success of a company is from all the efforts of each team member including the person answering the phone. My boss on the other hand is a freak. He came up with some bizarre feel good opening and all the people were looking through the documents I had prepared. I was about to puke and the clients looked bewildered. I had to answer all the questions and did it very well. For that I am happy. I am sober still just for today.

Up to My ASS

I have some many bids coming in I am losing my mind and the fears are ever increasing. Will I fuck up or more like when will I fuck up. It's just really hard when you are making decisions that can turn the company upside down and you have the fears that can cloud up your mind. I need to put on my game face on and make sure I am through. I have this paper weight that says "What could I accomplished if I didn't have fears". I could probably name a million things that I could do most rational and some not so rational. So I am heading for Detroit for a large meeting on the contract I am working. My boss will be there to flying from Florida. This deal is a large one for the company and we really need it or I actually need it. My boss will keep the heat off if I can close these deals. Which is a good thing for me. I just have to keep god, my family and AA in my pocket.

Have A Good Week End

JUST DON'T FUCK'EN DRINK

Memory

I fuck up again at work and totally forgot to call this asshole back and he wrote a nasty email about me to the president of the company. I am so fucked I really don't know if my mind is truely in this whole job that I am doing. I just deal with a lot a varriables in my job that if one is fucked up then it seems to effect the rest of them. It's alot of hats to wear is the best description and I am sick of picking up the wrong one. I need to be more assertive and organized I guess what ever.

Sorry Bill W.

A guy asked me to be his warm up for a speakers meeting. I don't know the guy and I felt uncomfortable. He wanted to pick me and my wife up and take us to the meeting with he and his wife. His wife is in alanon however she doen't know my wife n.o does he. I don't even really know him and i never met his wife before. I asked my wife and she said hell no she wouldn't go. The whole situation was wierd he asked me out of the blue and as a good alcoholic I couldn't say no. I had to call him today beacause the meeting is this Sunday. He said he already found someone, because I didn't return his call right away. I am not going for feel guilty, because if one of the guys in my home group asked me I would have gone. It was just one of those things that felt just wrong at the time.

Alcoholism is Alive and Well

Alcoholism is a main incredient in the game of golf. Most people suck at it and playing bad golf is a great way to drink and forget. I use to play golf fucked up and I always swore acholol had a major part in my game. I never kept the score cards and even if I did the scores would be lies. Well I'm thinking about playing again and the fears are that I will play worse now being sober. Another one is can I with stand the uges not to drink a nice cold ice beer after 9 holes. Of course I could just only drink one.

Alcohol - ism

Fine for some deadly for others?

Orange Man

This will take some of the boredom out of pealing oranges.

Tired of Intro's

Check this out no intro

Islamic Jihad

prophet Mo. While the intrepid newspaper has not apologized for printing the cartoons, it has issued a statement acknowledging that the cartoons "offended many Muslims, which we would like to apologize for." Paul Belien at The Brussels Journal singles out the courage of Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen, who has refused to capitulate to the bullies: He is one of the very few European politicians with guts. If anyone deserves a prize for his valiant defence of freedom of speech and freedom of the press, it is certainly Mr Rasmussen. He did not give in to pressure from Muslim fanatics, nor from the appeasers at the UN, the European Commission and the Council of Europe. In the past weeks Denmark has shown that all is not yet lost in Europe. If something is rotten now it is not in Denmark.

Beer Web

I was some what in fit when I was drinking. I am not as much now that I am sober. I don't go to the gym now, because I don't have to work off a hangover. I use to try to gym detox myself and it never really worked. I also use to go to the gym drunk. I probably smelled like a bottle of Jack Daniels with all the alcohol in my sweat. I do hike on the week ends, wait.. sometimes. I really need to think about this more because it seems to me that working out will help my sobriety.

Censorship on Naaked Thursday???

What The Fuck

Well ugh.. The only thing I can say is "Fuck You"! No wait ugh "We just hired someone for that position in the window", or "you must have a close family", "So what Indian tribe are you from?", or "So you must be a graffiti artist" or "I knew it you have cerebral Turets Syndrome". or "So your dad's in the Billboard business". Fuck you I am tired.

My Tombstone

I really believe now my tombstone will have something good to say on it when I die. When I was drinking they probably would have cremated me and flushed me down the toilet. I didn't care of about anything else except for making sure I had ample enough alcohol to drink. Today I just care about trying to be the best person I can. To be honest I am proad of myself, there that is still hard to say.